April's Lie
by Zeralul
Summary: Kaori Miyazono learns the awful truth and must figure out a new purpose for the rest of her life. How will these events transform her and her friends?
1. Chapter 1

"It should have been me."

The graveyard was blanketed with crisp, white snow. The gravestone in question was new but failed to stand out in any meaningful way amongst the sea of gravestones. Tsubaki and Watari heard what Kaori had whispered and their hearts shook. Yet they remained silent, not sure how to respond. The three of them were dressed in black. Tsubaki and Watari shared a meaningful look.

"We'll give you two some time alone," Watari said.

The two of them left. Once they were out of sight, Kaori kneeled in front of Kousei's grave.

* * *

Kaori's life-saving surgery was a success and she was finally free from the illness that had plagued her for more than half her life. The first thing she had thought to do after waking up was to call Kousei and ask him how his performance had gone. Hopefully someone out there had recorded it. However, everyone she had called, including her family and even Tsubaki, gave her vague and ominous answers. This continued for a few days. All she could do was wait to recover from her surgery and try to brush away the worry in her heart.

She heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Watari walked into her hospital room dressed in his school uniform. It was clean and freshly pressed, which made his disheveled hair and expression stand out even more. There were serious bags under his eyes. He had an air of bad news around him. It took a while for Watari to gather the courage to look up at her. He feared that the look in his face would give away everything. He prided himself on his composure in the face of women, but not when dealing with something so serious.

"Kaori, something happened to Kousei," he said quietly, gazing over her shoulder instead of at her. She hoped that it was something trivial. Maybe he froze up during his performance. Maybe he was rejected a school he applied to. Or maybe…

"He got hit by a car, and… he didn't make it." Watari dared to look into Kaori's eyes to gauge her reaction. Her piercing stare coerced him into looking away again. She bore a benign smile.

"You're joking, right?" Her words drove a shiver down Watari's spine. He could feel the blood draining from his face.

"Kaori, I really wish I was joking…"

"You're a real joker, you know that? That's what I like about you! Always joking," she said, closing her eyes and smiling.

Seeing her in denial broke his heart. It was unbearable. He lunged forwards and grasped both of her hands. "He's dead! I'm being serious! Kousei… Kousei is dead!"

Kaori's calm demeanor broke. Her face twisted with emotion and she slapped Watari across the face. The slap echoed throughout the room.

"No way! Liar! Liar!"

When she saw the hurt in his eyes, she knew he was telling the truth. It looked as if he had been suffering through this the whole time.

"Sorry," she whimpered. He looked away again, tears welling up in his eyes. She could feel her own tears coming as well.

"It's the truth. I'm sorry," he mustered. "I know how much he meant to you. He meant the world to us as well. You know that." Kaori couldn't take it any longer. She broke down in tears, and, at the thought of what could have been and what had been taken away, Watari broke down as well.

"Watari… Kousei is gone. Kousei is gone," Kaori sobbed over and over again. They cried on each others' shoulders for a long time and it felt like the tears wouldn't stop coming. Watari had already cried his fair share during the past few days, but losing his best friend was a blow to his soul like no other.

After what seemed like an eternity, their waterfalls finally dried up. Watari put his hands on Kaori's shoulders and said, "Everything's going to turn out okay. We'll get over this. We should keep going. I like to think that that's what Kousei would have wanted." Though his smile was weak, Kaori could tell he was speaking from the heart.

"Maybe. I really need some time alone,"she said. Watari nodded.

"You've been through so much as well, Kaori. Thank goodness that the surgery was a success…" He couldn't even start to imagine what it would have been like if neither Kaori nor Kousei had made it. There would have been no reason for him to keep living anymore. Despite having had surgery a few days ago, Kaori was looking much better than she had been during the days leading up to it. Watari decided he would try and make the rest of Kaori's life a happy one, for Kousei's sake. He would carry on in his stead.

Watari got up from her bed and headed for the door. "If you ever need anything or need to talk, I'm here for you. I promise," he said, looking her in the eyes.

"Thanks, Watari."

"Get some rest. I'll come and visit again tomorrow with Tsubaki."

* * *

Kousei's funeral was in a week. Kaori had returned to school in full health; her body was brimming with vitality, but she felt a constant weight pulling down on her heart. Nevertheless, she maintained the bright facade she was known for prior to Kousei's death in order not to disturb others. Both Watari and Tsubaki knew that Kaori was concealing her feelings, but neither of them knew how to properly handle it. At night, Kaori would bombard Watari with texts about the most random things:

 _How did I look at school today?_

 _Do you think it's okay if I put on some weight?_

 _Does anyone think I'm acting weird?_

He couldn't tell what she was trying to get out of these questions, but he never failed to respond to them:

 _You looked fine to me._

 _Go for it. You'll look healthier that way._

 _No one except me._

Kaori didn't know why she was reaching out to him herself. She needed someone to talk to about anything. She needed some sort of distraction to take away from the pain of remembering what happened to Kousei. She considered talking to Tsubaki about things, but she remembered that Tsubaki had also loved Kousei. A nasty, unwanted feeling of jealousy that Kaori had never felt before budded inside of her. Even though she her body had so much energy these days (more energy than she had ever felt in her entire life, even!), she felt her spirit was growing weak.

Sitting on her desk was the letter that she had written to Kousei before she had gone into surgery. She put it in her drawer, pulled out some fresh stationary, and got to writing a new one.

 _Dear Arima Kousei,_

 _It feels weird writing a letter to someone who won't get to read it…_  
 _You were the worst._  
 _Indecisive. Gullible. Twit._  
 _The first time I ever saw you perform, I was 5 years old. It was at a recital for the piano school I was going to. This awkward, clumsy kid came onto the stage and accidentally hit the piano stool with his butt. It was too funny. He turned to the piano that was way too big for him and the moment he played that first note, I was drawn in._  
 _The sound was beautiful, like a 24-colour palette. The melodies danced._  
 _The girl next to me started crying. I wasn't expecting that at all._  
 _And even so, you gave up the piano. Even though it totally changed other people's lives. You were the worst. Indecisive. Gullible. Twit._  
 _When I found out we were in the same middle school, I was ecstatic. But how would I ever come to talk to you? Maybe I'd hang out at the lunch concession. Instead, I just watched you from afar._  
 _I mean. After all. You all seemed to get along so well. There wasn't really any space in there for someone like me._  
 _When I was a kid, I had to have an operation and I started having to be at the hospital for regular check-ups. In the first year of middle school, I collapsed and I was admitted over and over. With every visit, I was there for longer and longer. Really, I didn't get to class much in middle school, I spent more time at the hospital. And I knew something was wrong with my body._  
 _One night, I saw my parents crying in the waiting room and I knew that my time was running out._  
 _That's when I ran away._  
 _I didn't want to bring my regrets with me to heaven, so I stopped holding back from what the things I always wanted to do. I wasn't scared anymore to get contact lenses. I ate what I wanted instead of always worrying about my weight. And I took the music with all its high and mighty directives and played it the way I wanted._  
 _And then I told a lie. Just one._  
 _I lied and said that I, Miyazono Kaori, liked Watari Watari._  
 _And that lie brought you to me._

 _Since you've gone, Watari's been more wholehearted and earnest than before. He's a good person._

 _Tsubaki's a good person as well. I wish there were no hard feelings. And there was one thing I could never ask of her, to ask her directly to introduce the two of us. I don't think she would've had an answer for me. After all, she was in love with you. We all knew that. I think the only people who didn't know were you and her._

 _That underhanded lie brought me to you didn't work out the way I had imagined._

 _It was darker._  
 _And meaner._  
 _And denser._  
 _And more stubborn._  
 _And more perverted._

 _And softer._  
 _And more masculine._  
 _And sweet._

 _Remember that bridge we jumped off? The water was so cool and refreshing. Racing each other alongside the train? I really thought I could win. The moon we saw from the music room that night, like a delicious-looking bun. Singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" with you as we rode on that bike together. Then falling out time. We're awful singers. At the school at night. I'm still sure there was something there. The falling snow, just like cherry blossoms._  
 _It's strange to be a musician, but then to have your heart so filled by something that comes from off-stage. They're unforgettable scenes to me. But they're such little things. It's weird, isn't it?_  
 _What do you think? Do you think I can still make it into anyone's heart like that? I wonder if I made it into yours. I wonder if you're watching over me. Please be there for me. Promise me you'll watch over me from up there. I'm glad it was you. I hope this reaches you, Arima Kousei._

 _I love you._

 _I love you._  
 _I love you._

 _I'm sorry we couldn't eat all those canelés._  
 _I'm sorry I hit you so much._  
 _I'm sorry I was so selfish._  
 _I'm so, so, so, so sorry._

 _Thank you for everything._

 _Miyazono Kaori_

Kaori couldn't help but cry as she wrote the first "I love you." She shouted the phrase at the top of her soul with her words, her pen scratching harder and inking deeper with every repeat. She watched as a single teardrop landed on the final "you." The teardrop slowly sank into the paper. This was the way it was meant to be. She buried her face in her hands and wept. She looked up and saw a small picture she had framed, her most prized possession. She took it out of the frame and put it into an envelope, along with her letter to Kousei.

 _P.S. This picture means everything to me. May this stay with you forever._

The was the envelope that was placed on Kousei's coffin and that was buried with him.


	2. Chapter 2

"You've been coming here a lot."

Tsubaki wiped away her tears. She turned around to see Kaori standing behind her. She was holding a bouquet of red roses.

"You too, right?"

Tsubaki stepped out of the way and Kaori laid her bouquet on Kousei's grave alongside Tsubaki's flowers. Tsubaki's bouquet was larger and full of light red and pink flowers.

Tsubaki chuckled.

"His favorite flowers were always camellias. It was totally strange of him."

Red roses. A typical representation of romantic love. Tsubaki saw them as tacky and superficial compared to her camellias. Kousei and Kaori may have loved each other, but she was the one who knew him best. The thought of Kousei and Kaori together, and her only serving as a nuisance in the way of their true love, hurt Tsubaki. But what was the point of this petty rivalry? Kaori sensed the tension brewing inside Tsubaki and sought to lighten the mood.

"Strange is an understatement! And yet we're both here, honoring his memory. That's all that matters."

"It's the least I can do, even though he let me down! I was supposed to be his guardian angel, after all!"

Kaori felt let down too. The reason she had agreed to undergo the surgery in the first place was to be able to play with Kousei one last time. That jerk had to go off and ruin everything. After such a miraculous recovery from her illness, it seemed like the law of equal and opposite reactions slammed its heavy hand down on the balance and took Kousei from her. In this way, Kaori felt that she owed him her life. However, Kaori had been feeling empty in a strange way. For half of her life, the threat of death had been the impetus for everything she had done. It was why she could play the violin the way she wanted. It was why she didn't give a care about what she ate or what others thought of her. But now that she was healthy, she had the rest of her life to plan for. She wasn't doing particularly well in school. She had no friends outside of Watari and Tsubaki (kind of). She and Kousei were supposed to tackle the world as a duet, but now he was gone. The brilliance of life she had been experiencing as if she was on a drug high was suddenly muffled and monotone like the snow that smothered the graveyard. She felt no motivation or energy for anything. Even so, she believed that it was natural to feel this way after the death of a loved one and that she would go back to normal soon. How long that would take was unknown.

"I never knew you wore glasses, Kao-chan."

"Huh, oh, these? Yeah, I do."

"Do you usually wear contacts?"

"Yes, but I wasn't really feeling them today, I guess."

"I think you look cute in glasses."

"Really? Thanks."

Though she sounded alright, Kaori looked like a mess. Her long hair was all over the place, even getting in front of her glasses. Tsubaki felt twin feelings of pride and sorrow for Kaori's sloppy appearance. Tsubaki had been living like Kousei would have wanted her to, while Kaori had been sulking about like a lost spirit. Tsubaki was the clear winner here, but she felt guilty about it. Something about being happy about seeing Kaori in such a dismal state wasn't right.

"Want to go to a cafe? We can warm up there and talk," Tsubaki suggested. To Kaori, this sounded incredibly boring. They would talk about mundane things and throw thinly-veiled insults at each other. Typical, boring stuff.

"OK," she replied anyway.

* * *

"It sounds cheesy, but these recent events have really given me the motivation to study as hard as I can," Tsubaki explained.

"Mhmm."

As Tsubaki raved on and on about her revitalized spirit and newfound fascination for the upcoming entrance exams, Kaori had been sipping away at her coffee and texting Watari.

 _Tsubaki sure talks the talk! She hasn't even stopped talking for long enough to drink her coffee._

 _I'm just glad she's been studying! It's not like studying for exams is a bad thing…_

 _I'm surprised she even knows what books are._

 _Ha. Ha. That's harsh, Kaori._

Perhaps she _was_ being too mean. Nah. If anyone needed pity, it was herself. Kaori smirked and looked at Tsubaki's cup.

"So how are you liking your coffee?"

"Oh, right!" Tsubaki's eyes opened wide. "Oh no, I totally forgot! Guess I got too excited about acing my practice tests. It's an alien feeling to me, you know?" She finally took a small sip. "Dang, it's cold already. Must be the winter spirit. I forgot to ask, how are you feeling about your exams?"

Kaori figured that if Tsubaki ever stopped bragging about her new self, it would be to put Kaori on the spot. She deduced that the point of the question was twofold: to feign interest in Kaori's well-being and to drive the point home that Kaori hadn't had much time to study due to her illness.

"To be honest? Not that great. Even though a lot of the weight for these music high schools are on your performance, academics still matter quite a bit. But I'll do the best I can."

"That's good to hear. Good for you, Kao-chan," Tsubaki responded with a grin.

The slimy way that Tsubaki said "good for you" gave Kaori an unexpected urge to slap her. Never in her life had Kaori had such a spiteful thought like this before. She had slapped Watari previously, but that was out of shock. Looking at Tsubaki's snide expression made her feel things that she didn't want to feel. Kaori quickly pushed the idea to the back of her mind. Besides, thinking logically, Tsubaki could probably kick her ass anyway. Never a good idea to challenge the "gorilla."

Tsubaki had been handling Kousei's passing remarkably well. Too well, in fact. Kaori wondered if Tsubaki was just pretending to be okay, or if she was just bottling up her emotions. It hurt to think about, but Kaori didn't know if her love for Kousei could match Tsubaki's. Kaori saw the way that Tsubaki had looked at him. It was a look so indescribable and yet immediately recognizable. That was true love. However, Kaori had been doing far more grieving over his death than Tsubaki had. Kaori had been suffering for weeks now, and she wasn't getting any better. They actually hadn't talked about Kousei directly since he had died. It was topic that both of them felt they had to avoid in order to preserve each other's feelings.

"So it seems like you're holding up well, Tsubaki. That's admirable. I wish I could be as strong as you."

Tsubaki stared at her, thought for a moment, and shrugged. "I have to be strong for him. It's what he would have wanted."

* * *

While it was true that Tsubaki was doing fine now, she didn't take too kindly to Kaori's implication that Kousei's death didn't hurt her. In reality, she was absolutely devastated when she had heard the news. When she had heard that Kousei had been struck dead, she dashed to his house at demon-like speed. She climbed in through the window she knew he tended to leave unlocked and tore the place apart looking for him. He wasn't in his room. He wasn't under his piano. He wasn't anywhere. Without skipping a beat, she jumped out the window and sprinted to school. Even though it nighttime and everyone had left, she didn't lose hope. She infiltrated the school. She searched up and down the corridors. She scoured the rooms. He wasn't in his classroom. Where would he be? Of course, he had to be in the music room. She burst in.

"Kousei!" she yelled.

The room was completely empty, save the lone grand piano and the curtains billowing in the winter wind.

"Kousei…!" she yelled again, this time in pure, soul-wrenching agony.

She fell to her knees and cried as the cold air bit her away at her face. The full moon was casting its silver light into the room and onto the piano. She crawled under the piano and curled up in a ball. She wept and wailed for a long time.

"Kousei… Kousei..."

She hugged the ground and pounded away at it with her fist.

"No! No! No! No!"

In a fit of anguish, she sat up and accidentally banged her head against the bottom of the piano. She yelped in pain and cried even harder.

"Damn it! Why?"

Enraged from the affronting blow to her head, she got out from under the piano and picked up the piano bench with vengeful intent.

"WHY!?"

Tsubaki tossed it full-force at the wall. It smashed into it with a sickening crack. The board hanging on the wall shook along with the papers pinned to it. She picked up the bench again and swung it into the wall over and over again, relentlessly, using it as a giant bat.

"WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!"

Eventually, she had run out of tears and energy. She found herself lying on the ground staring at the bottom of the piano again. She had managed to leave an impressive dent in the wall. She didn't care. The cold had left her numb on the outside, and she was definitely feeling numb on the inside.

"You idiot. You complete idiot. I hope you're happy now," she said with a forced smirk. "I've gone crazy over you. I guess I'm the idiot."

* * *

"Thank you for the coffee, Tsubaki. Sorry I have to leave on such short notice."

"No problem. Feel free to talk to me whenever, Kao-chan. My door is always open!"

"Alright, see you later."

"Bye!"

Tsubaki had desperately wanted to talk to someone about Kousei and cry with, but she had to maintain her own appearance. It was only now when Kaori was so downtrodden that Tsubaki realized that Kaori had been the one injecting happiness into their little group. As a result, Tsubaki took it upon herself to take Kaori's place. She would also help Kaori through these rough times, despite Kaori's silent abrasiveness. She was just going through a phase, Tsubaki thought. She'll be back to her normal, joyful self eventually. With a renewed sense of purpose, Tsubaki pumped her fist and made her way back home.

The amount of liveliness in Tsubaki as she pranced off was enviable. After she made sure Tsubaki was out of sight, Kaori pulled out her cell phone. A new message from Watari:

 _I guess that's okay. My parents aren't home, just letting you know._

Good. She didn't really want anyone else hearing what she was going to say, anyway.

 _I'll be there in 15._


	3. Chapter 3

"Your room is super messy, you know that?"

"I'd like to think it's part of my charm," Watari responded with a wink.

"Idiot."

Indeed, his room was very messy. There were papers and clothes that were hastily piled together in the corner of the room. Probably a feeble attempt at cleaning in response to her wanting to meet up with him. There was a faint scent of sweaty sports clothes permeating the room, something that Kaori was unfamiliar with. The parallels between the horrible messes his room and Kousei's room made Kaori chuckle. Despite his goofy personality, he took soccer seriously and went at it with everything he had. It was like her and Kousei's fascination with music.

His brown eyes darkened and he asked, "So what did you want to talk about?"

"What? No small talk first? Are you Watari?" she giggled.

"I get the feeling that you don't want that either," he replied without smiling. "What's been bothering you?"

Watari could be pretty sharp at times. Kaori was all small-talked out after spending the afternoon with Tsubaki, and she didn't want to discuss her problems with her. For some reason, Kaori trusted Watari about this more.

"Watari…"

"Actually, why don't we sit down first before we get all serious?" Watari sat down on his bed and gestured to his desk chair, but Kaori immediately sat down next to him.

"Let's hear it then," he said without skipping a beat. Kaori looked down into her lap and stared at her hands.

"I can't play the violin anymore."

He glared at her. "Huh? Why not?"

She took a deep breath. "I don't know how to explain the feeling. Every time I pick up my violin, I freeze up. I put my bow to the strings, but then my hands start shaking like this." She held her hands up and they twitched fiercely. "I feel cold all of the sudden and I don't feel normal until I let go of my violin."

"Is this a side-effect from the surgery?"

"I don't think so. I feel totally fine besides that."

She didn't look up at Watari because she was afraid that she was going to cry.

"Have you told anyone else about this?"

"No, I haven't. My parents are starting to ask why I haven't practiced in so long, but I couldn't tell them."

"You should definitely see someone about this."

"Yeah… well, that's why I came to see you."

"Me? Why? I'm not exactly medically trained."

"There's another thing… whenever I pick up my violin…" She finally looked into his eyes. "I see Kousei."

Watari's eyes got big. "Really? But is that a bad thing?"

"Yeah…" She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "When I see him, there's blood trickling from his head. And then more blood, and more blood, and more. His whole face becomes red…!"

Kaori looked away again and cried into her hands.

"Oh, no… Kaori…"

Watari scooted in closer and put his arm around her waist. She felt him gently brushing the top of her head as if he was petting a kitten. In response, she cried even harder and threw both her arms around him. He inhaled sharply. Watari was strangely warm, which, in some ridiculous way, made her feel more safe about opening up to him.

"It's so terrible and scary," she sobbed into his chest. Her body was shaking. "Why doesn't he want me to play violin anymore?"

"No, no, I don't think it's like that."

"Then, what? Is he trying to tell me that it's my fault for letting him die?" she asked, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"No!" He clasped her hands together in his and she looked up at him. Were his eyes getting watery? "Kaori, how could you even think that?"

"...he wouldn't have gone to the performance and gotten hit if I hadn't-"

He gripped her hands tighter, so tight that it hurt. His face drew in closer. "Kaori. He wouldn't have been able to live his life to the fullest without you. The time he spent with you was the best time of his life. This I know for certain."

There was fire burning in his eyes along with brewing tears, the intensity of which made Kaori avert her gaze. "I didn't really do anything for him."

He scoffed. "It's amazing how you can lie to yourself like that. How dare you, Kaori? Look...you're the most amazing girl I've ever met. Accusing yourself of killing Kousei or doing nothing for him is something I won't ever accept. It's the most heinous crime I can imagine!" His face was getting red, either from fury or from something else.

Kaori was taken aback. Had he just said she was the most amazing girl he had ever met? Was he trying to prove his point or had he been trying to flirt with her the whole time? Despite her skepticism, she felt a blush coming on.

"Watari. You don't know what you're talking about. I'm nothing special-"

"Shut up."

Before she could comprehend what was happening, Watari went in and captured her lips in an impassioned kiss. Kaori's mind went blank for a few alarmingly blissful moments.

 _Soft. Warm. Gentle._

 _Watari._

She broke away from his lips and immediately felt their warmth missing from her own. She stood up, blushing furiously. She raised her hand to slap him. He flinched, but she stayed herself.

"Watari, I'm going home," she said to the floor. "Thank you for having me."

"Oh. OK, no problem," he responded, also looking away, beet-red.

She left without another word.

* * *

Kaori picked up her violin case with one hand and pointed at it accusingly with the other.

"This is all your fault, you know?"

She thought about throwing it across her room onto her bed, but in the end she couldn't bring herself to treat her violin like that. She laid down on her bed and rested the case next to her. Since the kiss, all of her concerns about not being able to play the violin had been eclipsed by the memory of Watari's lips. She slapped her palm against her forehead again and again.

 _Who does this guy think he is? He's just supposed to be Friend A!_

That was her first real kiss. She had planned to share it with someone she loved, but he had just stolen it from her. What was even more upsetting to Kaori was how much she had enjoyed it. There were so many reasons why she should be feeling ashamed. She had already declared her love for Kousei, the one that she had connected with the most. Furthermore, Watari was a scoundrel and an infamous playboy. It wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that he was just being nice to her because he wanted to exploit her, despite all they had gone through. However, every time, right before her mind was ready to condemn Watari, his voice broke through:

 _You're the most amazing girl I've ever met._

"I'm a freakin' idiot! Falling for one-liners like this!" she yelled. She pulled at her hair and rolled around on her bed fitfully. In her temporary fit of insanity, she painfully rolled into her violin case.

"Gah! Stupid violin! You're an idiot too!"

She hugged the idiot violin case tightly and rolled with it, her hair and blankets getting everywhere. There was something incredibly wrong with this. Why did she feel so good about what happened? Why was she grinning like a psychopath? She stopped her rolling for a moment and sighed. For the past few weeks, all she had felt was a never-ending torrent of worry, grief, and fear. In the end, was a little kiss all it took to melt away those negative feelings? She pondered the quality of her and Watari's relationship. They had always play-flirted since they had met, so much so that it had become second-nature to them. Of course, it was all an act in order to draw Kousei's attention. That was her precious secret. After all this time, was it possible that Watari meant something more to her than just a friend?

Out of respect for Kousei, Kaori tried to bring back the memories of heartbreak for him. His bloody visage re-entered her mind and she masochistically accepted the mental stab to her heart that the terrifying image brought. She felt guilty about feeling good; after all, it was disrespectful to Kousei, wasn't it? She deserved to feel bad again, any normal person would feel bad after having their lover die. If he was watching over her right now, how would he be feeling? Kousei would be watching the girl he loved gushing over his best friend. She needed another painful thought to drive the point home. Kaori's mind rushed the thought of Kousei and Tsubaki kissing each other. Kaori's face contorted. The mental image was too vivid: Kousei and Tsubaki were in his room. Both of their eyes were closed, silently and softly brushing their lips against each other's. Kousei embracing her face with his hand. She was unbuttoning her uniform. He pushed her onto his bed.

 _No, no, no! I'm sorry, Kousei! Forgive me!_

Kaori jolted up and shook her head as if trying to swat away a mosquito. She shuffled to her desk and plopped down on the chair. With her head in her hands again, she mulled over what to do about Watari. Out of respect for her love for Kousei, it was probably best if they remained friends. She instinctively knew that pursuing things further with him would lead to untold frustration and guilt. Wasn't there some sort of motto about not dating your friends' previous lovers?

 _I'm just going to pretend like nothing happened. We're going to stay just friends. This is the way things were meant to be,_ her mind told her heart.

Suddenly, her phone chimed and her heart wavered.


	4. Chapter 4

"Thank you for the lesson, Miss Hiroko."

"Oh, it's nothing. It's always nice to have more people out there who can play piano, after all."

Hiroko looked at the worn-out Kaori with a sad smile. So much wasted potential. If she had kept up with her piano lessons when she was younger, she would have become a world-class pianist. Well, at least she could read notes. However, it would take years for her to build up the raw technique, even with her natural talent. Plus, with her in this mental slump...

"Keep it up, Kaori." Kaori recognized a pained smile.

"I'll try. Have a good night, Miss Hiroko."

Kaori closed her door and wandered back to her piano. Unlike Kousei's piano room, hers was devoid of anything except the piano and piano books. She sighed and put her head down on the keys, making an cacophonous "BRRNNNG!" sound. The piano sounded so damn boring when she played it. How Kousei managed to milk each key for all that it was worth like an intense vibrato on violin strings was beyond her. The piano was just a giant system of hammers hitting strings, after all.

When her parents asked her why she had stopped playing violin, she had responded tersely, "I don't feel like it anymore!" As long as their precious daughter was alive, it didn't matter anyways, right?

Thus, she had dropped the violin as whimsically as she had picked it up. In reality, there was more to it. She had learned violin because of Kousei, and because of him, she was unable to play it. But why could she play the piano with no issues? On one hand, it was terrifying that she couldn't play the instrument that had given her so much inspiration during her sickness. On the other hand, although her sound on the piano was boring, playing it deeply relaxed her. It was like squeezing a stress ball. As she mindlessly played scales and arpeggios, she could feel all of her cares in the world melting away. This went on for hours on end, every day. She escaped into her own little world of piano practice.

In this way, she spent her entire winter either diligently practicing the piano or studying for her entrance exam. She and Watari had texted each other throughout the season, but since their incident, Kaori had been purposefully trying to remain distant. In the end, although Kaori barely passed the music part of the entrance exam, she did poorly on the academic portion and ended up not getting into her dream music high school. Instead, fate had decided that she would go to the same high school as Watari and Tsubaki.

* * *

"Cheers! For getting into high school!" Watari announced.

They clinked their coffee cups together and drank. Kaori chugged the whole thing, piping hot, and slammed it back down on the table.

"Augh! Phew! That was hot," she declared.

"Whoa, slow down there, Kaori. You're gonna burn yourself," Watari said, his words dripping with concern.

Tsubaki glanced at Watari with a smirk. "She's a big girl now. She'll be fine. In fact, we're all big people now. Look at us: high school students!"

Kaori inadvertently sighed and put on a thin smile afterwards. Tsubaki and Watari were celebrating because their grades weren't that great in the first place. Getting into high school wasn't exactly guaranteed for them. Kaori on the other hand was greatly disappointed by her rejection from the music high school. She wasn't thrilled by their celebration in the slightest. It actually made her sick. However, it was her burden to bear. She didn't want to let the other two know the weight upon her heart. They would think she was depressed.

The two of them continued to chatter amongst themselves about inane things while Kaori looked on with glazed eyes. Watari occasionally looked over at her and eventually noticed that something was wrong.

"Well, Kaori, what do you think? Should I join the soccer team or try something different entirely?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. "Kaori?"

She blinked.

"Oh. Up to you, Watari. I'm sure you'll be great at whatever you decide to pick."

Total deadpan delivery. Both Tsubaki and Watari gave her a confused look. Kaori then remembered that she had an appearance to keep up. "But I think you should definitely pick soccer! That's what made you popular in junior high, you know?" Kaori said, followed up with a giggle.

Watari blushed. "Hmm, well maybe I'll stick with it then! And how about you, Tsubaki?"

He was so easily embarrassed. So simple-minded! Cute.

"Most definitely softball. No question!" Tsubaki said, crossing her arms. "I'm going to become the captain for sure!"

"You certainly have the build for it," Kaori commented, putting on her best benign smile.

"I know. Thankfully, I've been in great health for all my life. It really helps out," she sneered.

"Umm, excuse me? Can we get more coffee? Yeah, right here!" Watari called out.

He laughed awkwardly. Those two were still at each other's throats. How long was this going to go on for? If they continued to keep fighting in high school, he felt that he would go crazy. It was immature and had to stop. He decided he would confront them about it, separately. The waitress came and filled up their cups. Kaori summarily drank the whole thing again.

Tsubaki whistled appreciatively. "Wow, Kaori, you're really good at gulping it down."

Kaori stared at her. OK, that was it. Watari grabbed Tsubaki by the wrist, pulling her up.

"Can we talk outside? Sorry, Kaori, we'll be back."

* * *

"What's going on between the two of you?"

"Oh, nothing really."

"Don't give me that."

"What are you talking about, Watari?"

"You heard me. Why are you two being so mean to each other? The thinly-veiled insults. The death glares. I'm not stupid, you know?"

Why was Watari so darn good at picking up on these things?

"Beats me! She must still be emotional after Kousei's death," she pouted.

Watari threw up his hands in disbelief. "What? And you aren't?"

"I was, but I'm not sad about it anymore. It sounds dumb, but his memory gives me the will to carry on!"

"Really? I thought that you'd be as shook up as Kaori was."

"I like I said, I was, but I've moved on! Kaori's stuck in the past. She keeps trying to shift her negative feelings onto me."

"So you try to put her down in response?"

"What do you want me to do? Believe it or not, our little angel Kao-chan isn't as innocent as you think. Her words… well, they hurt! I have no choice but to respond with equally hurtful words."

"I think you two need to have a deep, honest conversation. What you guys have right now? This doesn't even qualify as a friendship."

"She'll get over herself eventually. Everyone copes in different ways."

Watari groaned. "If you won't talk to her about it, will you at least apologize to her for what you've said?"

"Why should I be the one to apologize? She's equally as bad."

"Look, I think if you say sorry, she will too. Trust me."

Tsubaki sighed. "OK fine, Watari. I'll do it for your sake. Just get off my back."

* * *

This was fine. She would let Tsubaki have her fun. She was just doing it to protect her own little ego, after all. Kaori understood that making fun of some could make you feel better about yourself. She decided would serve as a punching bag for now. But in the long run, Kaori swore that she would come out on top, and Tsubaki would become the punching bag.

Kaori brushed the insides of her mouth with her tongue. Yep, she had definitely burned herself a bit. However, she savored the pain. It served as a nice distraction from the dullness that had become her everyday life. Gosh, she realized that she sounded like a depressed masochist. She pondered what direction she should take with her personality at this point. Should she keep trying to act as bubbly and positive as she had been in the past, or should she just embrace her new inner feelings and become snarky and cynical? It didn't really matter in the end. Watari was the type to accept people for whoever they were once he felt like he had spent enough time with them, and Tsubaki would want to stay with the two of them since she had no other friends. For their sake, she would keep up her happy facade. This was an interesting new test of strength that she was determined to win.

Tsubaki and Watari came back inside and sat down at the table.

"Kaori, I'm sorry if anything I've said has hurt your feelings," Tsubaki said, bowing her head.

"No, everything's fine! No need to apologize. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I've been pretty much a downer for the past few months."

"It's understandable, Kao-chan. Don't worry about it."

So she had the spine to apologize. Even though it was definitely Watari who had convinced her to do so, the apology made Kaori feel unexpectedly better.

"Tsubaki, I hope we can put any hard feelings behind us. The three of us are going to be friends for life!"

"I'd like that."

"Aww, the two of you making up like this. It brings a tear to my eye," Watari spouted, wiping away imaginary tears.

"Oh, you idiot!" the two girls cried out in unison.

* * *

"Thanks for walking me back, Watari," Kaori said, giving him a thumbs up. "Also, thanks for helping out with Tsubaki. That was thoughtful of you."

"No problem. If it's for you, it's no issue."

Awkward silence followed. Kaori cocked her head. Why was he just standing there looking at her like that? Could he be thinking about-

Watari tilted his head the opposite way and leaned in towards her, but Kaori took a step back. Watari scratched his head. Had he read the scenario wrong?

"Sorry, I thought-"

"We're good friends, Watari. Great friends, even! I don't know how to say this, but… I think my type are guys who are older and more mature."

Watari felt his face burning up with shock and embarrassment. "I see. Well, I'll be going now. Have a good night!"

Before he could dash away, he felt her hug him from behind.

"Thank you for everything though. I really, really don't want to lose you as a friend. Please."

"Of course. Don't worry about it," he responded, looking down.

He broke out of her embrace and sprinted into the night. And just like that, Kaori felt a thrill in her heart that she had never felt before. This feeling… it wasn't love. It was something far more interesting and more sinister.

She had been smiling the whole time.


	5. Chapter 5

After the first month of school, it became obvious to Kaori that the girls didn't like her. She had vowed to keep up her pre-surgery bubbly persona to remain likable and get some new friends; ironically, they didn't like her, partly because of her positive attitude, but mostly because she was so pretty. Petty reasons to be disliked, but she knew that it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that high school girls could be petty. Conversely, and for the same reason, a lot of guys liked her. At least one new boy every day would make some sort of lame excuse to come and talk to her. She was flustered the first few times they approached her, but it quickly got old. Some of them were cute, but none of them really caught her curiosity. Even Watari was still better than all of them. And she knew she could have Watari whenever she wanted. She kept the other guys at a tiny bit closer than arm's length: close enough to give them a shred of hope, but far enough to deny culpability for heartbreak. There was really no need for her to flat-out reject all of them. That would just cause unnecessary drama and negative feelings. Was this so wrong?

Kaori, Watari, and Tsubaki still ate lunch together and remained good friends, despite the strange tension with Watari and previous drama with Tsubaki. Tsubaki and Kaori happened to be in the same class, but they hardly had the chance to talk to each other, mainly due to the abundance of guys crowding around Kaori. Tsubaki wasn't getting any attention from the guys, so whenever the man encampment formed around Kaori, Tsubaki just stewed silently. She never really was into whole girly-girl thing anyway and instead just sought to look presentable. After all, in softball, as with most sports, looks meant nothing compared to results. Until recently, of course. She secretly hoped that a side-effect of her star performance on the softball team would be some sort of attention from the guys. Tsubaki had her eyes on one guy in particular: the captain of the soccer team. He also happened to be the top of his class, naturally charismatic, and criminally funny. No one doubted for a moment that he could get into any university that he wanted to. The only problem was that the competition for him was fierce. In fact, it had become a joke among the first-year girls that he was the ideal guy and that all the guys in their year were comparable to his lowly shadows projected onto a cave wall by firelight. Tsubaki hadn't come up with any ideas to get his attention besides just playing softball, really, really well.

Even though Tsubaki was envious of Kaori, that didn't keep her from rescuing Kaori one day at lunch when her man clan had gotten a little too rambunctious. She pulled her out of the classroom and they ran down the hallway. They took a moment to catch their breaths.

"Wow, they were really mobbing you today! Why do boys feel the need to fight each other and prove their manliness?"

"Thanks for saving me, Tsubaki. I couldn't even hear myself think with all of them around me."

"No problem. What are friends for?" Tsubaki looked around nervously and fidgeted. "Oh, by the way…"

"What's up?"

"There's… well, there's this guy I like. You might know about him. Hirohide Kuwamori?" Tsubaki blushed furiously and glanced at Kaori, looking for a reaction.

"Hmm? Kuwamori? I don't know him."

"Oh, I see. He's a third-year."

Kaori had in fact heard of Kuwamori. Anyone with ears would have heard about him by now. However, it was fun to watch Tsubaki squirm.

"That's great, Tsubaki! How much have you talked to him? Is he cute?"

"Yeah! As for talking to him… you know me, Kao-chan. I have no idea how to talk to guys. I mean, I know how to talk to guys, of course! But the guys tend to just see me as another one of the guys. Am I saying guys a lot?" Tsubaki felt herself getting impossibly embarrassed and pulled at her hair. Kaori looked on at her with friendly eyes.

"So… Kao-chan, I was wondering if you could give me some advice?"

Kaori widened her eyes. "Me? I haven't had a boyfriend before." The image of Kousei sprang to mind and she felt needles pricking her heart.

"Yeah, but you seem to be pretty good at talking to guys. Just look of that mob of guys that wanted to talk to you!"

Kaori pushed away the memories and put one hand on the back of her neck. "I honestly don't know why they do that. I'm nothing special."

"Oh, don't be so modest, Kao-chan. It doesn't suit you."

"Oh?"

"What I mean is that someone so pretty like you should be proud of it, of course."

"I see."

They smiled at each other.

"So, got any advice?"

"For starters, you're going to have to give me some more information on this Kuwamori guy. Tell me everything."

"OK. Well, like I said before, he's a senior. He's super smart. I heard he got a perfect score on his high school entrance exam. He's the captain of the soccer team. He seems nice and funny. Overall, well, he's perfect! I have no idea what to do!"

"Soccer team, huh? Maybe we can get Watari to help out."

"No! Please don't tell Watari about this. It's way too embarrassing."

"Okay, don't worry, I won't tell him. Have you talked to Kuwamori at all?"

"I tried to say 'Hi' to him once but the words wouldn't come out."

"You have to be relaxed and confident, Tsubaki. Just pretend you're the best, most amazing girl in school. If he's as amazing as you said he is, I'm willing to bet that 99% of girls don't have the guts to talk to him. You can be the 1%!"

"If only it was that easy…"

"I'm sorry. I don't really have any other good advice to give. I'd be more than happy to discuss any good ideas you come up with though. Keep me updated."

"Alright." Tsubaki let out a relieved sigh. "Thanks for hearing me out, Kao-chan. For some reason, I'm feeling a bit better about it."

It made sense that Tsubaki would come to her for advice; after all, she had no other female friends to talk about it with. This couldn't have happened at a better time. Kaori had just started to get bored out of mind by everyday school life. Tsubaki's little crush was the seriously interesting thing to happen to Kaori since school began. She couldn't wait to see how things would play out.

* * *

The three of them were walking home after school when Kaori suddenly asked, "Hey Watari, how's the high school soccer team experience going?"

Kaori thoroughly enjoyed the panicked look that Tsubaki gave her.

"Not bad, actually. I was afraid I was going to get ragged on by the other older players, but they're actually pretty friendly to newcomers. Not to mention they're really good. I think I was one of the few people to join the team this year, so they're at least pretending to be nice to keep us from quitting."

Tsubaki had become strangely fascinated with her feet and wouldn't look up.

"That's good! So… as a former team captain, how would you rate your captain this year?"

"He's amazing! I always thought I wasn't bad myself, but after seeing him play, I realized that I'm basically soft tofu compared to him. I hope after two years I'm at least half as good as him. When I take over as team captain, of course!"

Kaori punched him playfully in the arm. "Yeah! You can do it! Try your best!"

He looked at her and let out a gentle laugh. "Naturally!"

When Tsubaki finally looked up, she saw that Watari was blushing again. She knew that Watari had been trying to talk to Kaori more recently. This fed her growing suspicions that Watari had a crush on Kaori. Normally, Tsubaki would be oblivious to these things, but observing the guys hitting on Kaori all the time, as well as her own painful struggles with Kuwamori, had honed her love senses.

"So when's your team's first game?"

"In a few weeks, actually. We're prepping pretty hard for it. Why do you ask?"

"I think Tsubaki and I should come watch!" Another hilarious look from Tsubaki.

"Really? I mean, I'm not even playing since I'm a first-year and all..."

"You'll still be there, right? We'll be there to support you! It's the least I can do for you always coming to my performances."

"I wouldn't mind as long as you guys don't mind."

"I don't mind. How about you, Tsubaki? Want to come with me?"

"S-sure! Why not? But you guys have to come to one of my games then!"

Watari and Kaori chuckled. "Fair enough!"

* * *

Tsubaki caught Kaori as she was walking to school the next morning.

"That was a pretty smooth move you pulled yesterday, Kaori. I've really wanted to watch Kuwamori in action."

"Think nothing of it! The more chances you have to see Kuwamori, the more likely it is that he'll notice you. Promise me you'll at least say 'Hi' to him at the game?"

"I don't know. I'll try."

"You don't know? You'll try? You have to do more than try. There is no try, only do."

"Of course, Kao-sensei," she said, bowing. Kaori laughed and rubbed Tsubaki's head.

"Good pupil!"

This soccer game would be an excellent place for Kaori to set her plan in motion. The gears had been turning in her head since the moment that Tsubaki had told her about her crush on Kuwamori. No matter what happened at the game, it would certainly be quite entertaining. And that was all that mattered to Kaori.


	6. Chapter 6

Their home crowd cheered wildly at the Kuwamori's game-winning goal, the cheer consisting mostly of high-pitched screaming. Kuwamori flashed a winning smile towards the gaggle and their hearts collectively skipped a beat. The rest of him team caught up with him and they celebrated their victory on the field with youthful exuberance.

"He cannot be real!" Tsubaki said as they filed out of the bleachers.

"Yeah, he was pretty amazing!"

Kuwamori certainly had a stylistic flair. He seemed confident, focused, and high-spirited, especially with the way he hooted and hollered when they scored a goal. They weren't kidding when they told Kaori that he was good-looking. No doubt he was what they would call a "heartthrob." He wasn't exactly her type, but she could still understand why he was so popular. The real question was if he had more to him than just a pretty face.

"Alright. Let's go find him and you can introduce yourself, Tsubaki."

"W-what? Right now? He's probably tired or something after the game."

"Don't get scared now. We've come this far."

"I'm sure another opportunity will come by- no, wait, I don't wanna!"

Kaori grabbed Tsubaki's hand and dragged her towards the field.

"Come on, Kao-chan. I'll do it some other time, I promise."

"Don't give me these lame excuses."

"I mean it!"

Tsubaki's face was already red with anticipation. There Kuwamori was, drinking out of the water fountain by himself. Kaori had a general idea of what she wanted to accomplish, but she had to admit in this moment that she didn't actually think about the logistics of it. Still, she walked straight towards Kuwamori with Tsubaki in tow. Tsubaki could feel her stomach dropping and a feeling of dread gripping her insides.  
"I can't do it!" Tsubaki tore herself from Kaori's grip and dashed off at breakneck speed in the opposite direction.

"Seriously…" Kaori expected more guts from an athlete, but even athletes get nervous when their competition is love, she supposed.

"Wow, that girl runs fast!"

Kaori turned to see Kuwamori watching Tsubaki disappearing in the distance, looking genuinely impressed. This was the moment. Kaori saw about three ways she could tackle this, and she decided to go for the most risky approach.

"It's your fault, idiot," she responded with the coldest expression she could muster.

He blinked. "My fault? What do you mean?"

She walked up to him and grabbed him by the shirt. He almost recoiled in shock, but something kept him still. Maybe he didn't want to seem intimidated by someone shorter than him. "She likes you. If you know what's best for yourself, you should go and talk to her."

"Excuse me, but who are you, exactly?"

"Unimportant." She let go of his shirt and stared up at him. The phrase "getting lost in your eyes" popped into her mind at that moment for some mysterious reason. She pointed her finger at him. "All you need to know is that I'm her friend and that you better be as good as they say you are."

He lowered her hand with his own, grinning. "Oh, really? What do they say I'm good at?"

"Stop fishing for compliments, idiot."

"You know, I wouldn't mind it if you stopped calling me an idiot."

"I'm going to keep calling you 'idiot' until you talk to her."

"OK, little miss. If it's such a big deal to you, I'll go talk to your fleet-footed friend." The way the third-year was eyeing her made her slightly self-conscious and excited at the same time. She felt like a doe being eyed by a wolf.

"Great. Let's go right now then." Kaori began to walk after Tsubaki, but her legs gave in on her at that exact moment.

"Ahh! Ow...!"

She knew that if there was something that wolves liked, it was easy prey. To Kuwamori, it must have looked like a genuine fall. After all, Kaori had years of experience of falling.

"Whoa! Are you okay?"

"Mmm… it hurts. I don't think I can walk."

"Well, I can't just leave you like this. Let's get you to the infirmary."

"Like I said, I don't think I can walk, even if you help me there."

"Who said anything about you walking?"

He strode over to Kaori and scooped her up with ease. She fought her hardest not to blush.

"Wow, you're lighter than I expected," he said with a smile.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He rolled his eyes. "You're supposed to take that as a compliment."

She thought about it. It was true that most girls aimed to be lighter rather than heavier. It had been a long time since she had needed to watch her weight. The two thoughts that had been drilled in her mind when she was still sick was "I should eat whatever I want while I still can" and "I need to keep eating more so I don't lose anymore weight." The doctors had told her over and over that getting lighter was a bad sign and that she should try to finish all of her meals. It was still strange for her now to have to watch what she ate to avoid gaining weight.

"Hey, you OK? I really didn't mean it to be offensive."

"Just take me to the infirmary, Kuwamori. Also, take the long way round. I don't want anyone to see us like this."

"Sure, whatever."

Kuwamori was really warm, and despite the sweat he had worked up during the game, he had a pleasant smell to him. Kaori was determined to figure out what made this guy tick, to find any holes in his armor. She held firmly to the belief that no one was perfect. Once she had found his weaknesses, that was when the real fun would begin. She would have to try to not get swept up by his charm, however. Besides his good looks, nothing about his personality really stood out so far.

She looked up at him and waited for him to look back at her. He finally did, and in response, she looked away and tried to look embarrassed. "I wasn't looking at you or anything," she said, trying her hardest to blush. In reality, this wasn't that difficult because Kuwamori's gaze actually did fluster her.

"Hey, I have no problem with cute girls looking at me."

Ugh, this guy. She would have to redouble her efforts not to attach herself to him.

"Idiot, save your lines for my friend. They're wasted on me."

"Relax, I'm just practicing. My game is a little rusty."

* * *

As they were taking the long way around campus, Watari happened to see Kuwamori. The coach had told Watari to find Kuwamori and tell him to come help pack everything in. Just as Watari was about to shout out to him and relay the order, Kuwamori turned a corner and Watari saw him holding Kaori in his arms. Immediately, zero thoughts ran through his head. He froze. He felt sick to his stomach. After a few seconds, his brain rebooted and he tried to process what was happening. How did this happen? Did they know each other before today? Does he like her? Does she like him? Part of him wanted to run up and punch Kuwamori, and the other part of him wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Seeing as how both of those options were dumb, he decided to tail the two of them at the risk of his own sanity. They ended up entering the school from a side entrance, and Watari followed them in after a reasonable delay.

* * *

"There you go." Kuwamori put Kaori on the bed and she sat at the edge. He took his sweet time examining her legs. "Your legs seem fine. Do they hurt anywhere?"

"Not anymore. They just feel a bit weak."

"You should probably rest here until you feel stronger again."

"Obviously."

"Is that any way to talk to someone who carried you all the way here?"

"Hmph. Sorry. And thanks."

"That's better."

"Idiot."

"Still? Seriously? You're hopeless."

There was an awkward silence.

"Well, I should probably get back to my team."

"Alright. See you later."

"Will you at least tell me your name?"

"Red."

"Your name is Red?"

"If you do what I ask, then maybe I'll tell you my real name."

"Whatever, I'll see you around."

Watari was peeking into the infirmary listening in on the conversation. Even though the conversation was feisty, it was clear to Watari that something was going on between the two of them. He didn't have time to analyze all of it however, since Kuwamori was headed straight towards the door. Watari quickly stepped back as far as he could.

When Kuwamori stepped outside, Watari called out, "Kuwamori! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Oh, sorry, Watari."

"Coach wants all of us to come clean up."

"Alright, let's go then."

"Sure thing."

* * *

When they had made it out the building, Watari's curiosity got the better of him.

"If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing in the infirmary? Did you get hurt?"

"I thought I did. Turns out it was just a few scratches. Nothing to be worried about."

"That's good. Where did you get scratched?"

"Oh, you know… there are some on my back and other places."

"I see."

Watari decided not to press the issue any further. He wasn't about to ask Kuwamori to show him his back as proof. Although Kuwamori was lying, maybe nothing indecent was going on between him and Kaori. If there had been, why would he have brought her to the infirmary and not done anything else with her? Nevertheless, Watari felt a great deal of jealousy. The image Kuwamori carrying Kaori in his arms and her embarrassed, pleased expression was burned into his mind. The memory of Kaori's past words to him suddenly broke through his thoughts:

 _We're good friends, Watari. Great friends, even! I don't know how to say this, but… I think my type are guys who are older and more mature._

Older and more mature.

"Gah!"

"Hey, are you OK, Watari?"

Watari's face burned in shame.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he responded, burying his feelings deep inside. "You did well today."

"Thanks. Between this and all of the college stuff, I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed these days. I'm glad I can still do something for the team."

Kuwamori had his share of boasts, but the guy certainly knew when to be humble. Although Watari had been rejected by Kaori once, he still clung to the hope that something might change and he could win her over.

And now he knew what he was up against.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, Red."

"Oh, if it isn't Kuwamori. Have you done what I asked yet?"

"Wow, so cold! Is that really the proper way to greet your upperclassman?" he said in an mock-offended tone.

"I couldn't care less for titles or ranking or whatever, Kuwamori. All that matters it the quality of the person, and whether he can follow simple orders or not. Judging by Tsubaki's behavior as of late, you still haven't talked to her."

"Was that an order? I thought it was more of a suggestion."

"Idiot. Well then, I order you to talk to Tsubaki and get to know her."

Kaori could tell that Kuwamori was actually buying her "ice queen" act. What was strange to Kaori was that while this personality was a stark contrast to her usual behavior around others in her year, it wasn't too far from who she actually felt like being on the inside. It was refreshing to drop the "bubbly girl" personality every once in awhile and just be cold and blunt. In this case, bonus points for her since it happened that Kuwamori liked that sort of personality. Kuwamori was so used to having girls all over him that the typical cute and obsessed fangirl was old news to him. Then all of the sudden, this mysterious, cold, _underclassman_ girl appeared. He couldn't help but want to know more about her. This was going to be easier than she thought.

"I'll consider it, Kaori."

"Oh? Who's Kaori?"

"Aw, don't play dumb with me, Red. I know your actual name. It's incredibly easy for me to get this kind of information."

"Good job." She gave him a thumbs-up and a blank expression. "I'm so proud of you."

"Do I get a reward?" he asked with a dopey grin.

"Yes, Detective. You can help me carry these books home."

"Oh? But this is just one book."

"Trust me, there's a lot more where that came from."

* * *

"Hya!"

The soccer ball whizzed at the wall and bounced off, making a loud bang and veering to the side. For the hundredth time, Watari sprinted after the ball, picked it up, and put it back in the same old spot. The wind-up… and then-

"Hah!"

Off it went. To an onlooker, it would just look like he was practicing his kicks. In reality, this drill was pointless. He wasn't trying to improve. He had his mind on other things, like imagining the soccer ball was Kuwamori's head.

 _How am I supposed to beat this guy? As far as I can tell, he's better than me in every way. Dang!_

"Kya!"

This time, the ball sailed straight into the wall and right back at him. He stopped the ball with his chest and juggled it a few times before letting it rest between his feet. He resisted his incredible urge to simply stomp the ball.

 _He's better at soccer… better at school… and clearly better at talking to Kaori! Dang it all!_

"RAA!"

He let the ball roll into the distance. His right foot was starting to ache after pounding away at the ball all afternoon. Had Kaori been telling the truth when she said she preferred older guys? Watari originally thought that she had said that in the spur of the moment as a fake reason to turn him down. If what she said was actually true, then it couldn't be helped. Still, he couldn't stop remembering Kuwamori carrying Kaori in his arms and her faint but genuine smile. Though the memory was painful, his brain kept replaying it over and over again like a cruel joke. He imagined himself holding Kaori in his arms, looking down on her smiling face, and leaning down to kiss her.

 _Damn it!_

He dashed full speed at the soccer ball, which had wandered off into the grass, and, without thinking, he kicked it with all his might. It went perfectly through some trees and into the main campus.

"OW!" a girl yelped in the distance.

 _Oh crap._

Not one to leave alone a girl a need, he rushed to the scene of his crime. There, he found Tsubaki lying on her back with a trickle of blood running down her forehead.

"Uh... hey there, Tsubaki! Fancy seeing you here."

"Hey there, Watari. Nice kick, by the way."

"You... you aren't mad?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she gently wiped some of the blood away with her hand and looked at it.

"Brings back memories…" she muttered.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Help me up."

Watari offered her his hand and pulled her up.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Sorry for-"

She promptly kicked Watari in the shin.

"OWWWW! Ow ow ow ow ow." Watari fell on the ground and cradled his now useless leg.

"That's what you get, you jerk! Watch where you're aiming! Are you stupid?" she broke out.

"But I thought you weren't mad!"

"I never said that. Try listening for once."

"Mm. Ow. Damn, Tsubaki. Have you considered trying out for soccer? You got a heck of a kick."

"Trust me, I can do much worse with my bat."

Watari put up his hands. "Relax, relax! I'm sorry! You sure you're alright?"

"I got a tough head! You know that. Still, that's no excuse." She crossed her arms and glared at him. "What happened to the never-miss Watari you brag so much about?"

"What do girls look for in a guy?"

Tsubaki's expression went from offended to confused to concerned when she saw Watari's unfocused look in his eyes. "Huh? That came out of nowhere. Why do you want to know?"

"Just curious."

"You're the last person I expected to ask me that, Watari. I thought you were an expert on the ladies."

"Yeah, I guess. But I feel like what I had with all the girls in the past wasn't really serious."

"Anyone could tell you that. I thought you were perfectly happy getting with girls and breaking their hearts."

"It was just to pass the time. I didn't mean any harm by it. Now I realize I don't know anything about girls at all."

It was all finally clicking in Tsubaki's head. "Wait… wait. Does this mean… there's actually a girl you like?"

"Oh… of course not! This is all purely hypothetical."

"When you get all sulky and philosophical like this, I know you're telling the truth. Who is she?"

Watari got up. "No one. It was just a joke. Anyways, I'm gonna go now. Hey look, there's my ball!"

Before he could start trotting to the ball and escape Tsubaki's wrath, he caught sight of Kaori coming towards them. Speak of the devil. She was accompanied by none other than Kuwamori, who was carrying a stack of books that went up to his mouth. Watari froze in terror. As did Tsubaki.

"What's wrong, Kuwamori? Are those books too heavy for you?" Kaori asked him.

"Hah. Not a problem, Red."

Kuwamori was walking straight towards the soccer ball, but the books blocked it from his view.

"Kuwamori, watch out!" Watari shouted.

It was too late. Kuwamori stepped directly onto the ball.

"Woah!"

Instead of falling over and dropping all the books as was expected, Kuwamori shifted his weight, caught the soccer ball on his foot, and juggled it, alternating between legs.

"Watari? Is this ball yours?"

Watari's face went red and he instantly bowed. "Yes, it's mine. I'm sorry."

"Gotta be more careful where you put the soccer ball. If I were someone else, I might have gotten hurt," he responded, flashing his white smile at Kaori. She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the side, almost making him drop all of the books and definitely making him drop the ball.

"Aw, what was that for?"

"Talk to her," Kaori growled quietly.

"Fine," he whined in response. "Hey there! You must be Tsubaki, right?"

Tsubaki had been staring at the ground, but hearing Kuwamori say her name gave her a healthy fright, and she looked in his vicinity.

"Haha, uh, yep, that's me! I'm Tsubaki! Heh."

"I've heard a lot about you, thanks to Kaori here."

"Oh, really? That's great!"

Tsubaki sounded terrified. Watari had never seen Tsubaki flustered by any guy before, but he could recognize her sort of reaction anywhere. Yes, there was a 99% chance that she had a crush on Kuwamori. He wondered if he could keep himself from making it painfully obvious that he liked Kaori. Speaking of which, Kaori was looking positively radiant today. Kaori gave Tsubaki a wink.

"We can chat more later. If you see me at school, feel free to come talk to me anytime!" Kuwamori said.

"OK, sounds good! Have a nice day!"

Tsubaki turned around and ran off at the speed of sound.

"I have to say… I'm flattered! Looks like she likes me a lot," Kuwamori noted. "Anyways, let's go, Kaori. Your books aren't going to carry themselves."

"Hmm… it looks like you're getting tired. I'm sure Watari can help me carry them the rest of the way home if you want," Kaori casually let out with a sigh.

"Hah. Not tired at all. Let's go. Watari, be more careful where you put that ball, OK?"

"...Got it."

"Later!"

Watari watched as the two of them left the school grounds. He stood there watching for a while.

* * *

Watari was walking down the school hallway the next day when he was pulled into an empty classroom by some unknown force.

"Hey, what's going on?" he shouted in confusion.

"Shh. Watari, it's me."

Ah. Kuwamori was the culprit.

"Kuwamori? Why'd you pull me in here?"

"You're friends with Kaori, right?"

"...Yeah. So?" Watari had a sinking feeling that he knew where this conversation was going.

"I figured. You and that fast chick are always with her."

"Tsubaki."

"Yeah, her. Anyways, before we talk about this… do you have anything going on with Kaori?"

This was the moment that he had been dreading. He knew that his answer to this question would have far-reaching consequences and would affect his future with Kaori. If this was the case, then why did he automatically respond-

"Nope. We're just friends."

"OK, because I'll tell you straight up: I like her. I just didn't want to take your girl or anything. Though, knowing you, you probably already have a bunch of girls lined up. Am I right?"

"You flatter me," Watari replied in an unintentionally cold tone.

"You mind if I text you every once in awhile to ask for your advice? You two seem to get along pretty well, after all."

"Yeah, no problem."

Kuwamori pressed his hands together in thanks.

"You're the best. Talk to you later!"

Kuwamori exited the room. Watari took a seat at a desk and propped his head up with one hand.

 _Why did I just do that? Why did I just do that? Why did I just do that?_

He facepalmed over and over and let out a barrage of aggravated sighs. What he did was basically admitting defeat to Kuwamori. He briefly contemplated cutting his losses and never talking to Kaori ever again. He considered just letting whatever happen happen. He thought about Kuwamori suddenly disappearing, never to be heard from again. He pondered about if saving Kaori from being struck by a car would be enough to make her fall for him. Imagining Kaori and Kuwamori together just made him want her even more. Jealousy was truly a powerful force, after all.

 _You know what? Screw it. I'm going to class. This isn't worth my time._

Watari got up and opened the door. Coincidentally, he saw Tsubaki walking by and something within made him pull her inside.

"Hey, what's going on?" she shouted in confusion.

"Shh. Tsubaki, it's me."

"Watari? Why'd you pull me in here?"

"You like Kuwamori, right?

"...What? Who told you that?" Tsubaki had a sinking feeling that Watari was onto her.

"The way you were acting yesterday all but confirmed it." Watari slammed his hand against the wall, cornering Tsubaki with his arm. Their close proximity made her start to blush, and she nervously giggled at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. "But right now, I have my own confession."

"Wait, what are you-mmph!"

Tsubaki was cut off mid-sentence by Watari's mouth. Half of her was felt was incredibly wrong, but the other half was awash with pleasure. Kisses were truly a powerful force, after all.

"The girl that I like? ...It's you."


	8. Chapter 8

In a flash, Watari found himself shoved to the ground.

"Watari…" Tsubaki mumbled. "Don't do that again."

"Huh?"

She stepped over him and pointed a finger in his face. "Don't do that again!"

"I just… well, I like you. I couldn't help it…!"

"That doesn't mean that you can just kiss me without permission! Want me to just slap you randomly?"

This was the first time that Watari had kissed a girl and been rejected. He felt a sense of dread stirring inside of him. Had he gone too far?

"I'm sorry, Tsubaki. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She sighed. "Honestly, I thought you had at least a little bit of common sense."

"I don't know what came over me."

She offered him a hand and pulled him up. "We need to get to class. Let's just pretend this never happened."

"But I… what I said. It's true. I like you," he rolled out in his most convincing voice.

"We're good friends… even great friends, Watari. But I don't like you in that way."

Watari understood her sentiment. After all, saying that he liked her was just part his plan of getting with Tsubaki and making Kaori jealous. He didn't really like her in that way.

"That's alright. I'll be fine. Sorry again."

"If I hear about you trying to kiss girls without their permission, I'm going to kick your shin off."

"OK, OK. I got it."

"I'm serious!"

"OK! I'll control myself."

"Good. Let's go."

* * *

Tsubaki couldn't focus at all during class. The kiss had felt kind of good, but it felt so wrong at the same time. Kissing Watari was like kissing her brother, if her brother also happened to be a womanizing doofus. Also, the way he loomed over her was incredibly nerve-wracking. She knew that the next time they talked, things would be super awkward. She vowed to just pretend like it never happened.

A small ball of paper hit her in the face. She looked around and saw Kaori whip back to look at the blackboard. Tsubaki unraveled the ball.

 _Something bothering you?_

They tossed it back and forth with messages.

 _Not really._

 _Ooo, I bet you're thinking about Kuwamori, huh? You guys should have talked more!_

The other issue: the Kuwamori problem. Every time she saw Kuwamori, Tsubaki's face would go red and her knees would start shaking. It was nigh impossible for her to have a decent conversation with him, but she was trying to make it work. She had even started to practice basic conversational topics in the mirror.

 _I know. I'm such a wimp._

 _I'm trying to put in the good word for you, so don't worry! Keep at it!_

Kaori was being so considerate. She had changed a lot from how she was after the funeral. She was almost back to her joyful self again. Tsubaki considered asking her for advice about what had happened between her and Watari, but doing that would violate the "pretend it never happened" clause. Plus, she didn't want to ruin their group dynamic with the drama.

 _Thanks, Kaori. You're the best._

When Kaori read this, she couldn't help but chuckle.

* * *

 _What are her interests?_

 _Seriously, Kuwamori? You've talked with her that many times, and you don't know?_

 _That's why I'm asking, man!_

Watari and Kuwamori had built up a routine of texting each other about Kaori around 9 pm every evening. More accurately, Kuwamori had started it and Watari played along.

 _She likes music._

 _Oh, what kind? Rock? Electronic? That'd be awesome._

 _Mainly classical._

 _Seriously? I guess that makes sense actually._

 _She played violin before, but now she plays piano._

 _OK, I'll write this stuff down._

Watari told himself that he just wanted Kaori to be happy. She seemed to like him a lot, so this was for the best. He also told himself that Kuwamori was competition that needed to be destroyed. Despite these conflicting opinions, he kept helping Kuwamori out. Perhaps he was a little masochistic.

 _I have a plan, Watari. I'll tell you how it goes after I try it out._

 _Good luck._

* * *

Trying to stay true to their clause and keep things normal, Tsubaki proposed that they go to a cafe after school. Watari was partly relieved that Tsubaki still wanted to hang out with him, but he was also partly disturbed that she could so easily ignore what had happened between them.

"That sounds like fun!" Kaori exclaimed. "But I can't today. I have a piano student!"

"Wow, really? You're teaching piano already? You've only been playing for a few months," Tsubaki noted.

"I know the basics. I've been practicing every day."

She had been practicing every day, fanatically, in fact, for the past few months. Because of that, she hadn't had much time to hang out with Tsubaki and Watari.

"How old is the kid?"

"Oh, my student is actually older than me," she answered with a wink.

Watari had a gut feeling he knew who the student was. He looked over at Tsubaki, searching for a reaction. She didn't suspect a thing.

"Well, have fun then! Hope he or she pays you well," Tsubaki said.

"That doesn't really matter to me. It's a labor of love," Kaori responded, her voice dripping with something sinister that the other two couldn't pick up.

Watari started to ruminate as the three of them walked home together.

 _So both Kaori and Tsubaki have a crush on Kuwamori? Is this why both of them rejected me? Dang, there really is no way for me to compare to him. Does this mean the two of them are going to compete for his affection? They seem friendly enough right now, but I'm not sure how things will go once Tsubaki finds out how close Kaori and Kuwamori are getting. I wonder who will win? Maybe if Tsubaki wins, I can pick up Kaori as a consolation prize. Wait, no. That's a horrible thing to think. Bad! Bad Watari! I should be ashamed of myself._

"What's on your mind, Watari? You're being awfully quiet," Kaori asked, gently elbowing Watari in the side. He yelped, not expecting her to suddenly get right next to him. Kaori had gotten pretty sharp these days. Her powers of observation had begun to rival his.

"Hah! Just thinking about girls. You know how I am," he answered with a goofy grin.

That wasn't a lie, so there was no reason for him to fear her calling him out on it.

Kaori giggled. "Oh, what about them? Find a new victim?"

Tsubaki winced just barely at her words, with Watari's move against her fresh in her mind. Watari saw her reaction and hoped Kaori didn't.

"Naw… just thinking about how girls are mysterious creatures," he replied wistfully.

"That's ridiculous. Boys are just as mysterious. Right, Tsubaki? Right?"

"Tell me about it."

"See? She agrees with me."

Watari was pretty sure that Kaori knew Tsubaki liked Kuwamori. What would she do about it? He debated stepping in and making them talk about it before things got worse, but he felt that he had no right to in the matter. This was between Tsubaki and Kaori. And yet…

"How are things going between you and Kuwamori?" he asked Tsubaki, anxious to see how she reacted. The blood drained from her face.

"Kuwamori? There's nothing! I don't know what you mean."

"Such a liar! Kaori, I know you know that she likes him. It's so obvious."

The two girls looked at each other for a while, sparks flying. Finally, Kaori shrugged.

"Yeah, you got us. She likes him. It's true!"

"And w-what's wrong with that exactly? You got a problem?" Tsubaki shouted at Watari.

He gave her a sad smile. "No, nothing's wrong with that. I just… think that older guys are trouble."

"Oh? Could it be that our Watari is jealous?" Kaori teased.

"Not at all! I mean, Tsubaki isn't exactly girlfriend material…"

He regretted those words the instant they left his mouth.

"OWW! MY SHIN!"

Watari's curl-up grounded mode activated.

"Serves you right, idiot!"

"Yeah, you had that one coming, Watari."

"It was a joke! Tsubaki, you're no fun. Owww… you didn't have to kick me in the exact same place as before…"

It was nice that Tsubaki and Kaori were still friendly with each other. Maybe it was possible that Kaori didn't actually have a crush on Kuwamori and she was just being nice to him. It seemed like Kaori condoned Tsubaki's crush on Kuwamori. Why would she approve of it if she herself wanted him? It could be that Kaori felt that Tsubaki was a better match for him, so she was conceding him to her. That would be awfully selfless of her. In the end, this meant that Kuwamori's attempts to woo Kaori would fall flat. And that meant that Watari still had a chance with her!

"Tsubaki, of course you're girlfriend material," Watari said, sighing and brushing himself off. "It was just a joke. I think you two would be a perfect match."

"Hmph! Well… thanks, I guess."

Tsubaki didn't expect such kind words from him, especially after insulting her like that. Watari could be too playful at times, but she felt like she could believe his compliment. After all, he did like her enough to confess to her. He probably made that joke since he was actually jealous of Kuwamori. Additionally, Tsubaki enjoyed this unfamiliar feeling of someone being jealous over her. She had been jealous of Kaori and Kousei, and it was the worst feeling she had ever felt. However, she never knew that being on the other side of jealousy felt so good.

* * *

Kaori sat at her piano, gently brushing her hands back and forth over the keys. Everything was so black and white in the past, but that was just because she wasn't looking closely enough. Every key was different, and mixing black and white together could meld into a cacophonous melody that was infinitely more interesting than each key played by itself.

She played an improvised melody on the C scale: all white keys, no black keys. There was only so much you could do with 7 different notes. It was sweet, but ultimately simple. Kaori saw them as love, and she scoffed. She then ran her hands down only the black keys, from right to left. She played with them another melody on the pentatonic scale. The black keys formed the sharps and flats of the piano, and Kaori saw them as hate. Five different black keys meant the melody could only be even simpler. However, a knowledgeable pianist could extract a certain type of sweetness from them. It would be ignorant to say that there wasn't any kind of depth to hate.

But what was the sweetest to Kaori was a mixture of both. She played once more, using all the keys, black and white. To an outside listener, what she started playing sounded confusing and agitated, but to her, it was music to her ears. Loving someone was great, sure, but boring. Hating someone was more interesting, but it too got boring after a while. The most interesting feeling of all was a mixture of love and hate. Imagining the look of desire in Kuwamori's eyes was great, but what would make it infinitely more satisfying would be the addition of Tsubaki's look of jealousy, sorrow, and hate. The thought of Tsubaki yelling and crying over him brought a twisted smile to Kaori's face. She played on, the piano making more and more dissonant sounds. Wasn't it true that victory only feels like victory if you defeat all your opponents without mercy? Doesn't half of the joy of winning a first-place trophy come from looking at those smaller, pathetic-looking second and third place trophies and laughing at them? Or even better, laughing at the empty hands of those who even more inferior than that? Tsubaki's hatred would make his loving embrace all the more fulfilling. Kuwamori's love would make Tsubaki's hateful glares more entertaining. Kaori would be the victor and Tsubaki would be the loser. Kaori could show off her trophy at school to her, and there was nothing Tsubaki could do about it except watch in agony. She wasn't sure it would work out at first, but now it seemed that her plan was coming to fruition. Her days of boredom were finally coming to an end.

She ended her piece with a powerful, dissonant clang of a chord, constructed completely with only the bottom 24 keys. She held the chord, holding her face close to her hands and letting the piano strings strangle themselves until their sound was no more. When she finally let go, as if on cue, her doorbell rang.

 _He's here._

"Coming!" she yelled in a sing-song voice.


	9. Chapter 9

_Ugh, I'm so tired. Why do I have to bring Watari his homework when he should have just come to school today?_

Tsubaki had particularly strenuous softball practice today and was a little frustrated at her performance. It was one of those rare opportunities for the freshmen to play a game and try to impress the coach and their seniors. She didn't do nearly as well as she knew she could have. It could have been because Watari's confession was still on her mind. It bothered her that it still bothered her. They had come to a very logical agreement that the confession never happened. She was the one who came up with the idea, so why was she still upset about it? Then there was the issue of Kuwamori. She still hadn't had a meaningful conversation with him yet. How would she get him to like her without even talking to him? Then she saw him.

 _Oh my god, it's Kuwamori. Speak of the devil. Or think of the devil, I guess! What should I do?_

Kuwamori was, in fact, in her view. He was walking ahead, down a street perpendicular to hers. There was no way she could put up with the anguish and anxiety anymore. She was going to talk to him. Come what may, she told herself. Do or die. Leap before looking. Sink or swim. She brought to mind every pithy idiom that should could remember in an attempt to her steel her nerves against the horrors of possible rejection.

"Hey Kuwamori!" she shouted way too loudly.

He turned around and saw Tsubaki practically prancing towards him.

"Oh hey! It's… you!"

"H-how's it going?" she stuttered out, smiling like a doofus.

He nodded his head and grinned. "Pretty good, actually! Thanks for asking."

"Is it… OK if I walk with you?" As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted everything. Her chest tensed up and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She stared intensely at the ground, wondering why the silent seconds that were passing felt like hours.

"Sure, why not? I was just going to the grocery store. Is that OK?" He looked at her with a smile that could pierce Kevlar.

"OK? Of course that's OK! That's great!"

He laughed. "I've never heard someone so eager to go grocery shopping before."

"Oh, you know… I like… fruit! And stuff…"

 _What did I just say to him? So dumb…! I'm going to die._

"Fruit? That's good. It's important to stay healthy. As athletes, our physical health is extremely important."

Tsubaki nodded in agreement, infinitely grateful that Kuwamori had overlooked her awkwardness. As their conversation continued, Tsubaki grew more and more comfortable with Kuwamori. She found that just because he looked like a guy straight from her dreams, it didn't mean that he was out of her reach. He was just an ordinary high school guy who happened to be cute, funny, nice, and smart. Although this sounded contradictory, walking next to him for a while gave her exactly this impression. He seemed really happy, which made her happy. She had made the gutsy move and was being rewarded for it. Kaori would be so proud of her.

* * *

"Hey, thanks for going grocery shopping with me. It's always nice to get a fellow athlete's perspective on what foods are the best for getting healthier," Kuwamori said.

"No, no! I was glad to help."

"Thanks again. By the way, do you know what's up with Watari?"

"Oh, Watari? I don't know, he's probably sick today."

"Really? He looked OK yesterday. I thought you would know."

"I can find out for you!"

"Please do. He hasn't even been responding to my texts."

"Oh, I see. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks, uh… hey. Can you input your information into my phone? If you don't mind, of course."

"I don't mind at all!"

He gave his phone to her and she received it with shaky hands. Why in the world were her hands getting sweaty? She fumbled for a bit, trying to calmly type in her phone number. After a couple of attempts, she succeeded and handed it back to Kuwamori.

"Tsubaki Sawabe."

She blushed instantly upon hearing him say it.

"I've always wanted to tell you this, but I really like your name!" he said with a cheeky grin.

"Really? That's great! You have a superb name too, Kuwamori."

"Superb? That's… definitely a word that could be used to describe things...!"

"It was really wonderful to talk to you, bye!" Tsubaki responded, dashing off.

"Hah… that girl…" Kuwamori muttered, shaking his head with a pitying smile.

* * *

Tsubaki furiously reviewed her experience with Kuwamori as she walked to Watari's house. They had met somewhere in the streets, they talked all the way to the grocery store, they shopped together, and then she ran away. Although it could have ended better, overall, she scored it as a great success. She felt her heart fluttering, and she didn't even notice the idiotic smile plastered on her face until she noticed that her face muscles were getting sore.

 _Have I been smiling this whole time? Oh my god, I'm so pathetic!_

Of course, she thought this with a smile. She shook her head violently, trying to get the silly out of herself. How could just talking to him make her so recklessly ecstatic? She remembered his scent, gently mixed with sweat, and she sighed. She remembered his voice when he talked about how soccer practice went and she grinned. She remembered his intense expression when he was inspecting the apples for bruises and she giggled. All these stupid details were coming to mind, and she was savoring every last one of them.

"AHH!" she screamed, unable to contain her feelings any longer. She didn't even care if people gave her strange looks.

 _Is this… is this what being in love is like? Why is it so… STUPID?! Wait, we shopped for groceries together. Is that what married couples do? Wait, why am I even thinking about this? I'm such an idiot!_

Before she knew it, she had reached Watari's house. Seeing it pulled her back to reality a bit. She didn't know what had happened with Watari, and it was time to be serious and find out. She knocked on the front door.

"Watari?"

She waited for a few moments, but there was no response.

"Watari, you there? It's me, Tsubaki!"

Still no response.

"I have your homework, you darn idiot! Get out here!"

She heard someone unlocking the door. It slowly opened to reveal Watari, whose face was looking ghostly pale. His hair was unkempt and he was still in his pajamas. His eyes were puffy. Tsubaki took a step back.

"What happened to you, Watari? You look horrible!"

"Yeah, things happen," he replied, looking at her with dead eyes. "You have my homework? Thanks." He slowly raised his hand up, waiting to accept his homework.

"Are you sick?"

"I might as well be."

"What's that supposed to mean? Do you have the flu or something?"

"Look, Tsubaki, I just want to be left alone. Give me my homework please."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong with you."

"Do you really want to know? Do you?" he responded, his voice suddenly loud and angry. He saw that Tsubaki was taken aback by his outburst. He stared at her with furrowed brows for a moment and then sighed. "Never mind. I just have a cold."

"Watari… it seems like there's more to it than that."

"If you aren't going to give me my homework, then just leave. I'm sure the teacher will understand."

"Fine! Take it!" She pulled the homework out of her backpack and threw it at him. Talking with Kuwamori had been so pleasant and nice. Seeing Watari all miserable and irritable had killed that wonderful feeling. "I came all this way to give it to you and this is the thanks I get? I'm you friend, Watari, and you won't even tell me what's bothering you? Fine! It's no wonder that no girls want to be with you."

Tsubaki's words cut straight to his heart, deeper than she had ever intended. She had meant it as a half-joke, but as soon as she saw his expression mutate, she knew she had made a terrible mistake. His hands balled in fists of rage and he growled. All of his pent-up frustrations exploded through his mouth:

"Screw you, Tsubaki! Get out of my sight! I don't want to talk to you ever again! I only wanted to protect you, but you know what? Forget it! You're on your own now. I can't wait to see the look on your face when you find out!"

He slammed the front door shut. Tsubaki didn't know what he was talking about, but she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. What was he talking about?

* * *

"So, how was it? Not bad, right?" Kuwamori asked.

"You don't have to look so smug about it," Kaori replied, crossing her arms over the blankets. "It honestly hurt. Well, at first…"

"That's perfectly natural. The important thing is to take it slow and work your way up carefully."

"You seem pretty well-versed in this. How many other girls have you been with?" she inquired, pouting.

"Aw, don't bring that up right now, Red. I'm trying to enjoy my time with you."

"I bet you say that to all the girls. Idiot."

"No way. You're one-of-a-kind." He rolled over on top of her and gave her a long kiss.

"Hmph. Well, I just… wanna know. W-was it good for you too?" she asked, turning away from his gaze in embarrassment.

"It was great. You taught me piano, and I taught you… other things," he snickered.

She gave him a playful shove. "That's just the… the dumbest thing I've ever heard! You're such an idiot!"

"Ah, but I'm _your_ idiot."

She groaned. "Calling you an idiot is one of my few remaining pleasures in life. Please don't take it away from me."

"Just like how I took your-"

"Do you ever stop? Idiot!"

After wrestling it out for a few minutes, they both got tired and Kaori ended up snuggling up to Kuwamori, resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. She could hear his heartbeat, slow and unrelenting. She could feel him gently stroking the back of head with his hand. All of these feelings were new and thrilling to her, which were all complimentary to her goal: to endear him to her. By making it seem like the experience was new and wonderful to her, Kuwamori would become attached to her and find her reactions lovable. She would seem like innocent prey ripe for the picking. Of course, she didn't have to make it seem like it was new to her because it actually was her first time. All the better.

Kuwamori felt triumphant at the sight of Kaori resting contentedly on him and pulled out his phone.

 _Hey, Watari! Thanks for all your help!_

 _With what?_

 _With you-know-who. All of your tips finally paid off._

 _Oh, that's good. Did you have a good date or something?_

 _Like you wouldn't believe. All I have to say is that I scored!_

 _So, what? You kissed her?_

 _You're too innocent, Watari. I went all the way, man. Bow chicka bow wow._

 _You're joking._

 _Nope. Totally serious. She's sleeping on me right now. She's so hot!_

 _I see… Congrats, Kuwamori._

 _Thanks! Couldn't have done her without you!_

With wet eyes, Watari threw his phone across the room. It made a sickening cracking sound as it hit the wall and unceremoniously clattered onto the floor.


	10. Chapter 10

"Honestly… you're not as upset as I expected you'd be," he said.

Tsubaki and Watari were at the cafe. They hadn't talked to each other for a week since they had found out the news. They had shared knowing glances when they passed each other at school, but there hadn't been a good time to talk until now.

Tsubaki crossed her hands behind her head. "You know, I suspected that bitch would do something like this from the beginning. She said she had changed for the better, but a small part of me knew the truth."

Watari simply stared at Tsubaki. He had wanted to believe in Kaori, and he still held dearly to that precious image of the pure Kaori he had knew before. It was almost impossible for him to reconcile that Kaori with the one that existed right now. People couldn't change that drastically, could they?

"Look, Watari. We don't need her in our lives anymore," Tsubaki continued.

"But I love her."

Tsubaki's eyes bulged. That came out of nowhere. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not."

"You haven't confessed to her, have you?"

"...I did."

"Oh, woooow." Tsubaki leaned in, cupping her mouth with one hand. "Did you confess before or after Kaori and Kuwamori had each other?"

Watari scowled. "Ugh! Before. Are you trying to rub in or something? There's no need for that. I'm telling you everything, here. It's not easy."

"Honestly, guys are so stupid. I'm just trying to reinforce the fact that you made a dumb choice and that she's not worth your time."

"But don't you remember all the good times we've had together?"

"Yeah, but that was before. This is now. And now she's a bitch. Think with the correct brain for once, Watari."

"How can you understand how I feel?"

"Idiot. I liked Kuwamori too. What, do you think I had a picnic when I found out the news? The key was that I realized that Kuwamori never really liked me in the first place if he gave into her so easily. You should realize the same thing."

"I… I guess that makes sense."

"Anyways, cheer up, Watari. Don't let one person get you down. At least we still have our friendship, right?" Tsubaki stuck out her hand.

"Yeah…" he said as he shook her hand.

* * *

Watari had a particularly vivid dream that night:

"I just want to hear it from you."

Watari was sitting across from Kaori at her dinner table. It was a nice afternoon, with sunlight flooding the room and a delightful breeze coming in from the open windows.

"Oh, so he told you? I guess that's what boys do."

Kaori didn't look surprised at all, nor did her tone imply anything otherwise.

"Did you guys do it or not?"

"Yeah we did…"

Watari looked down into his lap, then looked up with a manufactured smile.

"Do you actually like Kuwamori?"

"He's good-looking, wouldn't you say?"

"I'm a guy."

"Yeah, so? Guys can still tell if other guys are good-looking, right?"

"I guess."

She cocked her head and a put a finger to her chin. "Wait. Are you upset by this?"

"Kaori! You can do whatever you want! It's your choice! I don't have the right to say what you can and can't do!"

"Is that so? Watari, Kuwamori's a nice guy. I invited him over to teach him piano, and things just kinda… happened, I guess."

"Are you happy?"

"I don't know. Is this all you wanted to say to me, Watari?"

"Well… I wanted to talk. About you."

"What exactly about me?"

"It's just that… you've changed, Kaori. Ever since Kousei passed away, you've changed."

"Do you not like me the way I am now?"

"I still like you. I like you a lot, actually." His face showed momentary glints of pain, despite his smile. He hated the fact that he still liked her.

"I like you too, Watari. You know what? I think I was a little too rash in the past. About turning you down." Kaori got up and stood behind Watari. She draped her arms around him and whispered into his ear, "Is there any way I make it up to you?"

Half of his body was yelling "NO!" and the other half was yelling "YES!" He felt an unmistakable burning urge from within. These urges pulled him up from his seat and forced his lips onto hers.

A sudden rush of adrenaline and dopamine. It was incredible. Blood rushed to every part of his body. He had waited ages for this moment. It was something that he had longed for every time he saw her, every time he laid eyes on her. Sometimes at lunch, when she wasn't looking, Watari would just stare at her. He would see her and imagine her radiant smile, the twinkle in her eyes, and the way she practically floated when she walked. He imagined her laugh and remembered the way she used to stare exactly the same way at Kousei. When the two of them performed on stage, all of that radiance and twinkling was magnified thousandfold. This is what Watari saw when he looked at Kaori. But this fairytale image of Kaori disappeared with a blink of an eye, only to be replaced by the unscrupulous, new Kaori.

That was why Watari kissed Kaori with eyes wide open. He knew if he so much as blinked, his precious ideal Kaori would be replaced with the real one that was in front of him. To his deep surprise, Kaori had her eyes open too. She looked into his eyes, and he met her gaze. It felt awkward at first, staring at person while kissing, but something about it made him even more aggressive. He put one arm around her waist and put his other hand on the back of her head, pulling her even closer to him. He kissed her hard and their teeth clinked together.

"Watari…!" she gasped, but he pulled her back in.

He wanted to punish her. He wanted to break that fake persona of hers. He wanted preemptive revenge for what she was going to do to Tsubaki. He wanted to punish her for cheating on him with Kuwamori, or at least what he felt like was cheating on him. She was in his grasp now, and he intended to reap what she sowed. This was too good to be true.

"I -mmph- hate you," Watari said when he came up for air.

"And that's what I love about you," she moaned back. In a fit of passion, he undid and pulled down her skirt.

He wanted nothing more than to become one with her, to share her warmth, but instead, Watari awoke to the cold, hard floor of his bedroom.

"Ow!" he yelped as he rubbed his head. It was only a dream.

He found himself filled with disgust, but he felt something obviously present in his nether regions. Logically, he knew that Kaori was nothing but trouble, but his body wanted nothing more than her touch. Adrenaline, desire, angst, denial, and hope were all pumping through him at the same time. And so, at 3 am, he picked up his phone and texted Kaori:

 _Can we meet up and talk? I have some stuff I want to discuss with you._

He hesitated for a brief moment before sending it, but it quickly passed. Afterwards, he put his phone on silent and placed it on the other side of his room. He decided he would figure things out tomorrow after getting some sleep and settling down.

* * *

As soon as he woke up the next morning, he got up and picked up his phone. There was a reply from her:

 _Hey, bud. Kaori doesn't want to talk to you right now and she would appreciate it if you stopped messaging her._


	11. Chapter 11

Watari fantasized about violence or some wild declaration of love to salvage the situation, but in reality, he could do nothing but admit defeat. He had to concede to Kuwamori. He felt that Kuwamori and Kaori had betrayed him, and yet he felt that they were better for each other than he would be with Kaori. He felt indignant and humiliated. Though he blamed it partly on the two of them, he mostly blamed it on himself. He asked himself what he had done wrong and what he could have done to avoid this situation. These thoughts ran through his mind over and over again for the next couple of months.

Seeing Kuwamori at practice made Watari sick to his stomach. Kuwamori would always give him this plain, knowing smile. To an outsider, nothing seemed wrong. But Watari knew that implications of his smirks. Every time Watari saw Kaori walking down the halls, he would immediately turn and walk the other direction. He took every step to avoid her. He chastised himself over and over for this.

 _Why the hell am I acting like little traumatized dog? I should just man up…! Damn it!_

It was even worse when the two of them paraded around school as a couple. Watari could physically feel his stomach turning whenever he caught sight of them. This malaise also emanated through the envious eyes of female student body as well. They saw Kuwamori showering her with praise and affection every day, which crushed their own hopes about getting with him. Kaori made it very clear to everyone that she was proud of winning him over and lorded her new prize over them. He was a trophy to her, but he thought that it was the other way around.

Watari would often call upon Tsubaki in the next few months for emotional support. She offered it when she could, but a vast majority of her time was consumed by softball and her studies. She had a new lease on life yet again. It seemed she had easily thrown off the shackles that Kaori had placed on her. Watari wanted the same thing, but his brain kept being dragged down by his heart. For the first time in a while, Watari felt alone, trapped in his own world with these ridiculous love problems.

* * *

Kaori saw one of her classmates approaching the window, so she pulled Kuwamori in for a kiss. As their tongues met, Kaori saw the look of disgust from the girl out of the corner of her eye.

 _Bingo._

After she disappeared, Kaori broke off the kiss.

"Aww, you don't want more?" Kuwamori teased.

"Meh." Kaori shrugged with a smile.

"Suit yourself, Red."

They sat side-by-side in a booth at a cafe. This was one of the most popular places for people to go to after school, which meant it was the perfect place to Kaori to show off her boyfriend. Unfortunately, that was the about the only fun part about it. Kuwamori kept making snide remarks and belittling her for fun, which grew old after about the second comment. That was just his way of flirting. Once she had figured it out, it seemed forced, and talking to him got incredibly boring and predictable. Kaori leaned her face on a hand and looked out the window, idly mixing her coffee as Kuwamori kept talking. Perhaps he thought she was looking at him. That was certainly her intention to make him think so, but she really wasn't.

"Watari's been looking pretty pathetic recently, don't you think?"

Kaori's bored-looking eyes moved ever so slightly to focus on Kuwamori. He continued, "He knows that you're my girl and that I'm his upperclassman, so he's showing deference to me. It's pretty funny, now that I think about it."

"Oh? Is it funny?"

"Well, I guess it's fitting. He never once had the guts to tell me that he liked you. That ain't the type of pussy you deserve. But I know what type of pussy _I_ deserve."

He leaned in and kissed her heavily, his hands moving under the table to certain places. While they made out, Kaori thought to herself. She had gotten her fill of entertainment from the girls at school, Tsubaki, Kuwamori, and Watari. It was time to change things up once again. She came up with another fun idea, but first, she had some housekeeping to take care of.

"Kuwamori," she made out between kisses. "My place sound good?"

"Yeah, let's get out of here."

* * *

Watari's phone beeped.

 _What is it this time? Dang it, I just turned off the lights, too._

He fumbled around in the darkness and his hand found his phone. He turned it on to see that he had gotten a message from a seemingly random number… except that it wasn't random. Though he had deleted her off his contact list, he knew her number by heart. It was Kaori's.

 _Watari, let's meet up. I want to talk with you. Can you come over to my house right now?_

Watari went from sleepy to fully awake in a heartbeat. He felt anxiety take over his body. He stared at the message for a few minutes. His mind was racing, trying to figure out what was the best thing to do. Should he oblige and go over to her like a stupidly obedient dog? Should he delete the message and pretend like he had never gotten it? He knew that cutting her out of his life was the best option for him in the long-term. What had she done for him recently that was for his benefit? She destroyed his and Tsubaki's dreams in one fell swoop. In his position, Tsubaki would surely tell Kaori to get bent and leave her alone. What he should do was meaningless in the end because Watari's body was getting out of bed, putting on clothes, and walking out of his house to meet the chilly night air. He jogged over to Kaori's house, his heart ready to burst. He wanted relief from these months of tension. He wanted closure. He wanted something. Anything. Even just the sound of her voice. Though the logic in his brain yelled at him a clear list of the possible consequences of what he was doing, his body pressed on with deaf ears.

He reached her house and knocked on the door. After what seemed like an eternity, Kaori opened the door.

"Hey Watari, come on inside."

He entered the home and Kaori closed the door behind him.

"Do you want anything to drink? Water? Tea?"

"No, I'm fine. You… wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. Let's go upstairs to my room."

Watari's mind was shouting something at this point, but he wouldn't make out what it was saying.

He sat down at her desk and she laid herself out on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Watari, I just wanted to apologize for putting you through this," she said with her eyes closed.

"Do you really mean that? Because I can't tell anymore. I feel like I don't know you at all."

"This has always been a part of who I am, deep inside. It's really easy to cover up. It's easier to act normal in this world than it is to be who you really are."

"I don't think you're really like this. Are you sure this isn't just something you're going through, Kaori?

"If you think this is temporary, then you really don't know me, Watari."

"I know the Kaori from before. There's no way that that wasn't you."

"It was me, but it was a part of me that I made for myself. Anyways, look, Watari. I didn't come here to lecture you about me. I wanted to make things right between us."

"I… I don't know if that's possible."

"Do you want me? You can take me if that'll make you feel better." Kaori patted the space next to her on her bed. Watari's eyes opened wide.

"Are you out of your mind? What are you saying?"

She turned over onto her side and leaned her head on her palm. "I'm saying that you can get back at Kuwamori and get me too."

Watari gripped the arms of her chair tightly. Kaori saw this and knew that he was close to the edge. Just a bit more...

"Come on, Watari. Don't you want to punish me?"

Watari shook his head. Was he dreaming again? This was eerily similar to what had happened in that dream. He stood up and walked over to the bed. Kaori smiled. Hook, line, and sinker.

"I do want to punish you. And I do want you. But I'm not going to unless you swear to break up with Kuwamori and become mine."

Kaori tried her hardest not to burst out into laughter at that demand. What was he, 8 years old? By some miracle, she maintained her composure.

"OK, I promise. Now get down here and kiss me. I missed your taste."

It was a hasty promise, and it was as thin as paper. He knew that. But he needed her. And so, Watari enjoyed the relief and the release he had wanted for so long. At least for that night, the stresses of his life were lifted from him, and he finally sank into the merciful oblivion of a dreamless sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

The first thing that Kaori thought about when she woke up was about how warm her bed was. There was nothing better than waking up on a Saturday morning and realizing that you could just go right back to bed. The sun was barely rising above the horizon. Of course, she was aware that some of that warmth was from the boy lying next to her, but she simply wanted to enjoy the comfortable feeling. She knew Watari certainly felt conflicted about this whole ordeal and that he would no doubt bring it up to her once he woke up, but Kaori would deal with that when it happened. Was it wrong to just enjoy the moment every once in awhile? Why did everyone have to take things so personally? She lifted her head to gaze upon Watari's sleeping face and smiled. It was their sensitivity that made it so easy for her to do these things to them. Not only was Watari a toy, he was a willing one. This trait would have been baffling to her if not for the fact that she knew that people loved to think irrationally. She closed her eyes and nestled her head into her pillow.

Watari wasn't asleep. He felt Kaori watching him and was hoping that she would do something affectionate like brush her hand along his cheek, run her hand through his hair, or say "Good morning" or something. Instead, an unsettlingly long moment had passed until she finally put her head back down on her pillow. So she had just stared at him the whole time. What was going through her mind? Was she regretting her decision? Was she looking upon him with care or disdain? This whole train of thought was unhealthy and pointless. Instead, he turned his thoughts to other things, like the fact that he had just spent the night with his crush.

* * *

It had felt so good, but there was something at the back of his mind the whole time that kept him on edge. He was able to ward it off during the act, but after the climax, it roared to the forefront of his thoughts: "What now? What now? What now?" That immense physical pleasure he had felt was gone and he felt empty inside. The both of them were still breathing heavily. Exhausted, Watari let himself collapse on top of her, his face buried into the pillow next to her head. She wrapped her arms under his and around him.

"I have to say, you have a great body, Watari," she said into his ear.

"Thanks," he blurted out into the pillow. Her compliment made him feel a bit better, but an overwhelming sense of dread still hung over him. The question still stood: What now? Was she really going to just break up with Kuwamori? It wasn't really like Kaori and Kuwamori could stay together after something like this had happened.

"That being said, you're pretty heavy."

"Oh. Sorry."

Watari begrudgingly rolled off of Kaori. As stupid as it sounded, being on her made him feel like she was his and that she wouldn't leave him. He felt like he could hold on and keep her all to himself. The simple feeling of prolonged physical contact told Watari that the two of them wanted each other. His mind was a jumble at this point. He teetered between enjoying the feeling of being with Kaori and the fear that all of this was superficial. Were everyone's first times as plagued by doubt as this? What a terrible feeling.

* * *

The morning after, even though Kaori shared the bed with him, Watari could only feel overwhelming loneliness. The person next to him was merely ephemeral and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Kaori?" he spoke up. Kaori opened her eyes and met his gaze. He looked so fragile, as if one hard word would shatter him.

"Mmm?"

"Can I hold you?"

Kuwamori didn't cuddle with Kaori after her first time. He just rolled over and went to sleep after talking with her for a bit, making sure she was OK. She didn't really mind, however; she only wanted Kuwamori to be satisfied with her and she didn't want to get attached to him. Also, she figured that cuddling was the meaningless peppermint candy after the main course.

"Well… sure," she answered demurely, after thinking it over. "Um, how do we do this?"

He blushed furiously. "Well, I think they call it spooning because it's like two spoons that fit together. C-Can you turn around?"

"Alright."

She flipped around onto her left side and Watari tenderly pushed himself against her, first his upper-half and then his lower-half. They locked together in a warm embrace, just like two spoons. Watari was immediately confronted with the brunt of her hair and instinctively inhaled. It smelled so sweet.

"Um… is my hair getting in the way?" she asked, hearing him breathing in. Kaori hadn't expected to feel anything from cuddling except for some warmness, but something stirred in her frozen heart. She hadn't felt this flustered in ages. Getting embarrassed over something like this was inconceivable.

"No, it's fine. It smells really good, actually. Umm, I hope that's not creepy!"

Kaori laughed. "Don't be ridiculous."

As they lay there together, Kaori was burning with embarrassment and confusion, while Watari felt nothing but bliss. Just the act of holding her close to him erased all of his worldly worries, if only for a little while. Deep down, he knew that he might never get the chance to feel this happy with her again. Kaori wasn't the same person she was after waking up after her surgery. Oh how he longed for that Kaori, the one who could love him!

Kaori felt extremely hot, especially in the face. Luckily, Watari couldn't see how extraordinarily red she was from back there. Watari took his right arm and wrapped it around her side, taking her hand in his and resting them on her stomach. Kaori let out an accidental whimper.

"Oh, is this OK?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah! It's fine!" In her head, it was not fine. Kaori felt waves of emotions she had been actively been trying to block out. This had to end. "Actually, it _is_ a bit warm. Do you mind taking off the covers?"

Watari threw off the covers with one arm and quickly found Kaori's hand again.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

The slight chill of the room lapped at their toes, but each of them found the other as warm as a cozy fireplace. Watari cherished this moment for a while, trying to put into memory as many details as possible.

"Watari? I have to tell you something."

All good things had to come to an end. They both knew that it was over now.

"Go ahead." His voice not only came into Kaori's ears, but also reverberated through his chest along her back.

"Like I said yesterday, I'm not the joyful Kaori you knew before. The things that used to make me feel really happy don't even do anything for me anymore. When I play music, I can't find the same emotions. How I can I explain this… it just feels mechanical and mathematical to me. The only things that give me pleasure now are lustful acts and making people jealous of me."

"I don't know what to say, Kaori, but I think that you shouldn't do those bad things anymore."

"Then I'll have nothing, Watari. Music used to be my life, and that part of me was destroyed. That made my life worth living! That's why I fought so hard to stay alive, or at least it was what I used to make my remaining time on earth meaningful. Now I can only find happiness through carnality and jealousy. What you're asking of me… being a good person? I can't do it anymore."

Kaori felt a sort of relief that she was able to say all of this without facing Watari. However, for Watari, her words felt more impersonal because she was speaking away from him into the wall.

"Kaori, I can help. I'll do whatever I can to help you through this."

"Do you really mean that though?"

"Of course."

Kaori broke out of his embrace and turned around to face him with ice in her eyes.

"Watari. I want to fuck a bunch of guys and make a bunch of girls jealous. I want to steal their boyfriends and then throw them away. I am lustful and sadistic. I don't feel remorse. I don't feel pity. I am a bad person. I am a horrible person. I don't care what you think, and nothing you say will change my mind. If you know what's best for yourself, then stay away from me."

Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face.

"You know this breaks my heart, Kaori," he stammered through the tears. "To see you like this."

"I'm sorry, Watari."

Watari got out of her bed and fumbled around for his clothes, his face wet with sorrow.

"Kaori, you know I really loved you, right?"

She only responded with a look of pity. He saw this in her eyes, looked away, and left her room, closing the door behind him.

What a debacle. This would be tricky for her to sort out. He was the only ally that she had left, and that tie was probably severed forever. This was what she had expected in the end, anyway. With the direction that she planned her life to go in, being alone was the only viable option. She looked at her right hand and the memory of Watari's grasp slowly faded from her mind.

* * *

Watari wiped his eyes the best he could before he exited the house. He walked as fast as he could, avoiding eye contact with the morning joggers and passersby. He couldn't think straight and just wanted to curl up and die. When he got home, he went straight up to his room. He threw away any pretense of stoicism, jumped into his cold bed, desperately wrapped himself deep in his covers, and cried himself to sleep.


	13. Epilogue

Over last few years of high school, Watari witnessed Kaori's transformation from afar. It didn't take long for Kuwamori to find out that Kaori had slept with Watari, and despite his outwardly cool nature, he was furious and broke up with her. Although rumors of what had happened permeated throughout the school, that didn't stop other guys from pursuing Kaori. Slowly but surely, she learned to wrap them up with her allure and then use their feelings to make other girls jealous. At first, Watari was appalled. Her definite rejection of him hit like a truck. She was already starting to talk to a bunch of guys, as if what they had together meant nothing. Days turned into weeks turned into months of him agonizing over her biting words. Finally, one day he realized that he wasn't missing her anymore. This day, which he thought would never ever come, crept up on him without him even noticing.

It was a huge relief. He couldn't say that the pain was completely gone, but it had been dulled considerably. Kaori would continue to pursue her schemes. Watari had grown past the point of caring. There would always be a corner in his mind that remembered Kaori fondly, how she was before Kousei's death, but he knew that that Kaori was dead. Watari found another group of friends and never spoke about or to Kaori again.

Tsubaki was approached by Kuwamori shortly after him ending things with Kaori. She promptly rejected him, which was another huge blow to Kuwamori's pride. Tsubaki didn't want anything to do with him because he had been "tainted" by Kaori, who Tsubaki had a sharp sense of disrespect towards. She did end up dating another guy the next year, who happened to be in Watari's new friend group. Thus, dynamic friend duo was reunited. Tsubaki retained her determination and motivation, fueled by her memory of Kousei, allowing her to achieve success in school and softball. Watari was always envious of how she was able to use the whole experience as a springboard, while it had only been a curb for him to trip over.

Although Kaori carried on with her games, she was never punished for her crimes. Even though her offenses broke the hearts of many people, each one felt that it would always be someone else who would finally stand up to her and call her out on her misdeeds. However, the victims were either too prideful or shameful to admit their true feelings, and the bystanders felt no need to risk their own skin by stepping in against her and cause more drama. It was in this way that she graduated high school unscathed.

Watari used to wonder if Kaori ever thought about him after she had rejected him, but it was clear to him that this new Kaori wouldn't be caught up by such things. After all, she was moving onto other guys and ultimately staying detached from everyone. Why would he be any different? Every time a thought of her popped into his head, he angrily tried to think of something else. He was wasting time grieving over her, and she was totally over him.

In reality, Kaori did think about him sometimes. She wondered if he was still in love with her, and how that if that were case, that she was sorry. She felt that she didn't deserve his love and that he would be happier with someone normal. She hoped that he would get over her quickly. She thought about she was and how things were before Kousei's death. Although she wanted to live in those times again, she knew that she was different now and that time travel was a fantasy for middle schoolers. Kousei and Watari. They would always hold a special place in her heart, but she wouldn't let them hold her back in her new life. And so Kaori got into a music conservatory and assumed her new moniker of Akane, courtesy of Kuwamori. Starting university was the end of Kaori Miyazono and that chapter of her life, and the beginning of a new chapter.

 _The End_

* * *

 _A/N:Thanks for joining me on this ride! I've decided to bring this book to an end. I've reached the point where I've said what I've wanted to say, and I don't want to squeeze anymore out of this particular era of their lives. I want to write another story in this same universe, so keep your eyes peeled for my next effort. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed it!_


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